So I'm done with my 10-week challenge. Oh holy lord. I probably didn't commit myself quite as fully as I could have - I missed some classes here and there, and I wasn't crazy-strict with my food intake. They really didn't address it much, but I know some people in my class were cutting out sugar, carbs, alcohol, downing protein shots, etc. I'm sure that helped them pull some big numbers, but I know me. If I got too crazy, I'd gain all the weight back and then some.
I only lost four pounds over the 10 week course. I'm a little disappointed in the loss, but I did lose 11 inches overall, and improved my time holding the wall squat and the plank, and did four more push-ups than I did 10 weeks ago. The program really did focus more on strength than cardio.
I think the biggest success with this program is that it got me motivated again to exercise with some regularity. I was getting rather sloth-like over the winter months! I am officially signed up for my first 5k in three weeks, and have plans to sign up for more. I think it will be good to get more cardio in if I'm going to speed up this weight loss. My husband and I have been fast-walking, and one of these days I may just break into a jog and shock the hell out of everyone.
The other success has been in my eating. I mentioned previously that I'd stay within my alotted fat/calories/etc. all week, eating healthy foods, and then Sunday would be a free day. Knowing that if I forego a treat (or a binge) during the week, I can have it just a few days later, has helped me make some better choices. This past Sunday, I tried to tell myself in my head that I should eat something "naughty" because I could - and my head said, "Nah, no big deal, don't really feel like it". It was a whole new way of thinking about food for me. As if once I realized I really could eat something on Sunday, I gave myself permission, and those "naughty" foods started to lose some of their allure.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
I Want A New Drug
So I've been continuing my therapy sessions - it's been really helpful to talk about issues that can trigger eating. Plus it's nice to know that this person's only job is to listen to be babble. She actually gets paid to hear me whine about my day! Everyone should have this!
Today we talked about depression. When I was in college, I was diagnosed with depression - it was a particularly stressful time for me. I can't pinpoint it to any real reason, except that things seemed to compound. I couldn't seem to get off the couch to go to class, which impacted my grades, which made me feel worse, which impacted my relationships with friends, which made me feel worse, etc. At one point I was curled up in a corner of my room, staring blankly at the floor. That scared me. I saw a psychiatrist at my mother's recommendation, and with my pal Prozac, I was able to face the world again. It really did help, and between that and other exciting things going on in my life, I kind of got back on track.
I've been off medication for nine years, but as we spoke today, I started to think about all of the low points over the last decade. After I stopped taking medication, I struggled with staying motivated for...well, anything. When I got particularly stressed about work, I can recall completely letting go. When I lived on my own, there were months where my housekeeping would become so terrible that I wouldn't let people inside my place. I remember looking around apathetically, thinking I could easily let myself completely slip and be found years later buried in my own rubble. I really let my finances go at one point as well - I just stopped paying for stuff. I'm still dealing with the repurcussions of that years later.
My therapist said she thinks the depression has always been there. It never went away. I've just been better at coping with it when things were "normal" in my life. When stressors appear, my coping mechanisms go away.
She recommended contacting my PCP - to see about getting back on antidepressants. I think it's the way to go. I think in combination with all the other efforts I'm making - exercise, better diet, talk therapy, it may be just the thing to help me feel like me again. Oh shit, now I'm in tears writing this. Calling the doctor tomorrow.
Today we talked about depression. When I was in college, I was diagnosed with depression - it was a particularly stressful time for me. I can't pinpoint it to any real reason, except that things seemed to compound. I couldn't seem to get off the couch to go to class, which impacted my grades, which made me feel worse, which impacted my relationships with friends, which made me feel worse, etc. At one point I was curled up in a corner of my room, staring blankly at the floor. That scared me. I saw a psychiatrist at my mother's recommendation, and with my pal Prozac, I was able to face the world again. It really did help, and between that and other exciting things going on in my life, I kind of got back on track.
I've been off medication for nine years, but as we spoke today, I started to think about all of the low points over the last decade. After I stopped taking medication, I struggled with staying motivated for...well, anything. When I got particularly stressed about work, I can recall completely letting go. When I lived on my own, there were months where my housekeeping would become so terrible that I wouldn't let people inside my place. I remember looking around apathetically, thinking I could easily let myself completely slip and be found years later buried in my own rubble. I really let my finances go at one point as well - I just stopped paying for stuff. I'm still dealing with the repurcussions of that years later.
My therapist said she thinks the depression has always been there. It never went away. I've just been better at coping with it when things were "normal" in my life. When stressors appear, my coping mechanisms go away.
She recommended contacting my PCP - to see about getting back on antidepressants. I think it's the way to go. I think in combination with all the other efforts I'm making - exercise, better diet, talk therapy, it may be just the thing to help me feel like me again. Oh shit, now I'm in tears writing this. Calling the doctor tomorrow.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
I Quit Weight Watchers
I finally faced up to reality and cancelled my monthly pass to Weight Watchers.
I haven't been going to meetings, and I've been using Spark People (which is free) to track my eating. As I thought about it, I always said the only time I was successful at losing a lot of weight was on Weight Watchers. That's not true. The only time I was successful at losing a lot of weight was by writing down my food intake every day and working out like crazy. I joined Weight Watchers at the very end, and lost a few more pounds to be at a happy, comfortable weight. Shortly after, I moved, started a new job, and started to slowly put the weight back on. I think as a result, I credited Weight Watchers with my weight loss, and blamed the lack thereof for putting the weight back on.
Now don't get me wrong. I think WW is a great program. I'm just starting to question if it's really what's best for me. The times I've lost weight, it's been as a result of something else - for example, in 2008 I dropped about 35 pounds while also going to WW meetings with my mother. But the reality is, I actually changed my eating habits, starting with a 3 week detox that eliminated meat, sugar, alcohol and gluten from my diet. Of course I lost weight! I've also rejoined the program at least a million times. I need something that I can stick with.
I think going with Spark People for free is a good start. It's helping me see patterns in my eating - for example, yesterday I was really good all day. Followed my plan with a healthy breakfast and a healthy lunch, was well within range of my calorie goal for the day. I got home, though, and I was hungry right away. I lost all focus. I started to graze - on the bottom of a bag of chips, on a can of artichoke hearts, on a mini ice cream cone (from Trader Joes, called "Hold the Cone", only 70 calories, yummy!), then a bagel with smoked cheddar on it. I learned from tracking that (afterwards) that post-work, especially if my husband isn't home to judge me, is a dangerous time for me. Something about that relaxed "ah, I'm finally home" feeling, switching into stretchy pants, and my resolve starts to get comfortable as well.
To help me with this, I've decided to play a mind game with myself. If I stay within my caloric goals each day Monday through Saturday, Sunday will be a free-for-all. All the crap that might tempt me all week will be fair game on that day. I've actually seen research that this kind of eating can be good for your metabolism. It prevents your body from going into starvation mode with all the reduced eating the rest of the week, and it causes your body to work extra hard to burn off those calories. You can only do it one day, though - no "oops, I guess Tuesday will be a free-for-all, too". It also schedules nicely with my Monday - Saturday exercise. It really does leave me Sunday as a true day of rest, and maybe knowing that I only have to be good for six days will give me the resolve I need to power through the week.
Here's to Sunday!
I haven't been going to meetings, and I've been using Spark People (which is free) to track my eating. As I thought about it, I always said the only time I was successful at losing a lot of weight was on Weight Watchers. That's not true. The only time I was successful at losing a lot of weight was by writing down my food intake every day and working out like crazy. I joined Weight Watchers at the very end, and lost a few more pounds to be at a happy, comfortable weight. Shortly after, I moved, started a new job, and started to slowly put the weight back on. I think as a result, I credited Weight Watchers with my weight loss, and blamed the lack thereof for putting the weight back on.
Now don't get me wrong. I think WW is a great program. I'm just starting to question if it's really what's best for me. The times I've lost weight, it's been as a result of something else - for example, in 2008 I dropped about 35 pounds while also going to WW meetings with my mother. But the reality is, I actually changed my eating habits, starting with a 3 week detox that eliminated meat, sugar, alcohol and gluten from my diet. Of course I lost weight! I've also rejoined the program at least a million times. I need something that I can stick with.
I think going with Spark People for free is a good start. It's helping me see patterns in my eating - for example, yesterday I was really good all day. Followed my plan with a healthy breakfast and a healthy lunch, was well within range of my calorie goal for the day. I got home, though, and I was hungry right away. I lost all focus. I started to graze - on the bottom of a bag of chips, on a can of artichoke hearts, on a mini ice cream cone (from Trader Joes, called "Hold the Cone", only 70 calories, yummy!), then a bagel with smoked cheddar on it. I learned from tracking that (afterwards) that post-work, especially if my husband isn't home to judge me, is a dangerous time for me. Something about that relaxed "ah, I'm finally home" feeling, switching into stretchy pants, and my resolve starts to get comfortable as well.
To help me with this, I've decided to play a mind game with myself. If I stay within my caloric goals each day Monday through Saturday, Sunday will be a free-for-all. All the crap that might tempt me all week will be fair game on that day. I've actually seen research that this kind of eating can be good for your metabolism. It prevents your body from going into starvation mode with all the reduced eating the rest of the week, and it causes your body to work extra hard to burn off those calories. You can only do it one day, though - no "oops, I guess Tuesday will be a free-for-all, too". It also schedules nicely with my Monday - Saturday exercise. It really does leave me Sunday as a true day of rest, and maybe knowing that I only have to be good for six days will give me the resolve I need to power through the week.
Here's to Sunday!
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