So I'm done with my 10-week challenge. Oh holy lord. I probably didn't commit myself quite as fully as I could have - I missed some classes here and there, and I wasn't crazy-strict with my food intake. They really didn't address it much, but I know some people in my class were cutting out sugar, carbs, alcohol, downing protein shots, etc. I'm sure that helped them pull some big numbers, but I know me. If I got too crazy, I'd gain all the weight back and then some.
I only lost four pounds over the 10 week course. I'm a little disappointed in the loss, but I did lose 11 inches overall, and improved my time holding the wall squat and the plank, and did four more push-ups than I did 10 weeks ago. The program really did focus more on strength than cardio.
I think the biggest success with this program is that it got me motivated again to exercise with some regularity. I was getting rather sloth-like over the winter months! I am officially signed up for my first 5k in three weeks, and have plans to sign up for more. I think it will be good to get more cardio in if I'm going to speed up this weight loss. My husband and I have been fast-walking, and one of these days I may just break into a jog and shock the hell out of everyone.
The other success has been in my eating. I mentioned previously that I'd stay within my alotted fat/calories/etc. all week, eating healthy foods, and then Sunday would be a free day. Knowing that if I forego a treat (or a binge) during the week, I can have it just a few days later, has helped me make some better choices. This past Sunday, I tried to tell myself in my head that I should eat something "naughty" because I could - and my head said, "Nah, no big deal, don't really feel like it". It was a whole new way of thinking about food for me. As if once I realized I really could eat something on Sunday, I gave myself permission, and those "naughty" foods started to lose some of their allure.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
I Want A New Drug
So I've been continuing my therapy sessions - it's been really helpful to talk about issues that can trigger eating. Plus it's nice to know that this person's only job is to listen to be babble. She actually gets paid to hear me whine about my day! Everyone should have this!
Today we talked about depression. When I was in college, I was diagnosed with depression - it was a particularly stressful time for me. I can't pinpoint it to any real reason, except that things seemed to compound. I couldn't seem to get off the couch to go to class, which impacted my grades, which made me feel worse, which impacted my relationships with friends, which made me feel worse, etc. At one point I was curled up in a corner of my room, staring blankly at the floor. That scared me. I saw a psychiatrist at my mother's recommendation, and with my pal Prozac, I was able to face the world again. It really did help, and between that and other exciting things going on in my life, I kind of got back on track.
I've been off medication for nine years, but as we spoke today, I started to think about all of the low points over the last decade. After I stopped taking medication, I struggled with staying motivated for...well, anything. When I got particularly stressed about work, I can recall completely letting go. When I lived on my own, there were months where my housekeeping would become so terrible that I wouldn't let people inside my place. I remember looking around apathetically, thinking I could easily let myself completely slip and be found years later buried in my own rubble. I really let my finances go at one point as well - I just stopped paying for stuff. I'm still dealing with the repurcussions of that years later.
My therapist said she thinks the depression has always been there. It never went away. I've just been better at coping with it when things were "normal" in my life. When stressors appear, my coping mechanisms go away.
She recommended contacting my PCP - to see about getting back on antidepressants. I think it's the way to go. I think in combination with all the other efforts I'm making - exercise, better diet, talk therapy, it may be just the thing to help me feel like me again. Oh shit, now I'm in tears writing this. Calling the doctor tomorrow.
Today we talked about depression. When I was in college, I was diagnosed with depression - it was a particularly stressful time for me. I can't pinpoint it to any real reason, except that things seemed to compound. I couldn't seem to get off the couch to go to class, which impacted my grades, which made me feel worse, which impacted my relationships with friends, which made me feel worse, etc. At one point I was curled up in a corner of my room, staring blankly at the floor. That scared me. I saw a psychiatrist at my mother's recommendation, and with my pal Prozac, I was able to face the world again. It really did help, and between that and other exciting things going on in my life, I kind of got back on track.
I've been off medication for nine years, but as we spoke today, I started to think about all of the low points over the last decade. After I stopped taking medication, I struggled with staying motivated for...well, anything. When I got particularly stressed about work, I can recall completely letting go. When I lived on my own, there were months where my housekeeping would become so terrible that I wouldn't let people inside my place. I remember looking around apathetically, thinking I could easily let myself completely slip and be found years later buried in my own rubble. I really let my finances go at one point as well - I just stopped paying for stuff. I'm still dealing with the repurcussions of that years later.
My therapist said she thinks the depression has always been there. It never went away. I've just been better at coping with it when things were "normal" in my life. When stressors appear, my coping mechanisms go away.
She recommended contacting my PCP - to see about getting back on antidepressants. I think it's the way to go. I think in combination with all the other efforts I'm making - exercise, better diet, talk therapy, it may be just the thing to help me feel like me again. Oh shit, now I'm in tears writing this. Calling the doctor tomorrow.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
I Quit Weight Watchers
I finally faced up to reality and cancelled my monthly pass to Weight Watchers.
I haven't been going to meetings, and I've been using Spark People (which is free) to track my eating. As I thought about it, I always said the only time I was successful at losing a lot of weight was on Weight Watchers. That's not true. The only time I was successful at losing a lot of weight was by writing down my food intake every day and working out like crazy. I joined Weight Watchers at the very end, and lost a few more pounds to be at a happy, comfortable weight. Shortly after, I moved, started a new job, and started to slowly put the weight back on. I think as a result, I credited Weight Watchers with my weight loss, and blamed the lack thereof for putting the weight back on.
Now don't get me wrong. I think WW is a great program. I'm just starting to question if it's really what's best for me. The times I've lost weight, it's been as a result of something else - for example, in 2008 I dropped about 35 pounds while also going to WW meetings with my mother. But the reality is, I actually changed my eating habits, starting with a 3 week detox that eliminated meat, sugar, alcohol and gluten from my diet. Of course I lost weight! I've also rejoined the program at least a million times. I need something that I can stick with.
I think going with Spark People for free is a good start. It's helping me see patterns in my eating - for example, yesterday I was really good all day. Followed my plan with a healthy breakfast and a healthy lunch, was well within range of my calorie goal for the day. I got home, though, and I was hungry right away. I lost all focus. I started to graze - on the bottom of a bag of chips, on a can of artichoke hearts, on a mini ice cream cone (from Trader Joes, called "Hold the Cone", only 70 calories, yummy!), then a bagel with smoked cheddar on it. I learned from tracking that (afterwards) that post-work, especially if my husband isn't home to judge me, is a dangerous time for me. Something about that relaxed "ah, I'm finally home" feeling, switching into stretchy pants, and my resolve starts to get comfortable as well.
To help me with this, I've decided to play a mind game with myself. If I stay within my caloric goals each day Monday through Saturday, Sunday will be a free-for-all. All the crap that might tempt me all week will be fair game on that day. I've actually seen research that this kind of eating can be good for your metabolism. It prevents your body from going into starvation mode with all the reduced eating the rest of the week, and it causes your body to work extra hard to burn off those calories. You can only do it one day, though - no "oops, I guess Tuesday will be a free-for-all, too". It also schedules nicely with my Monday - Saturday exercise. It really does leave me Sunday as a true day of rest, and maybe knowing that I only have to be good for six days will give me the resolve I need to power through the week.
Here's to Sunday!
I haven't been going to meetings, and I've been using Spark People (which is free) to track my eating. As I thought about it, I always said the only time I was successful at losing a lot of weight was on Weight Watchers. That's not true. The only time I was successful at losing a lot of weight was by writing down my food intake every day and working out like crazy. I joined Weight Watchers at the very end, and lost a few more pounds to be at a happy, comfortable weight. Shortly after, I moved, started a new job, and started to slowly put the weight back on. I think as a result, I credited Weight Watchers with my weight loss, and blamed the lack thereof for putting the weight back on.
Now don't get me wrong. I think WW is a great program. I'm just starting to question if it's really what's best for me. The times I've lost weight, it's been as a result of something else - for example, in 2008 I dropped about 35 pounds while also going to WW meetings with my mother. But the reality is, I actually changed my eating habits, starting with a 3 week detox that eliminated meat, sugar, alcohol and gluten from my diet. Of course I lost weight! I've also rejoined the program at least a million times. I need something that I can stick with.
I think going with Spark People for free is a good start. It's helping me see patterns in my eating - for example, yesterday I was really good all day. Followed my plan with a healthy breakfast and a healthy lunch, was well within range of my calorie goal for the day. I got home, though, and I was hungry right away. I lost all focus. I started to graze - on the bottom of a bag of chips, on a can of artichoke hearts, on a mini ice cream cone (from Trader Joes, called "Hold the Cone", only 70 calories, yummy!), then a bagel with smoked cheddar on it. I learned from tracking that (afterwards) that post-work, especially if my husband isn't home to judge me, is a dangerous time for me. Something about that relaxed "ah, I'm finally home" feeling, switching into stretchy pants, and my resolve starts to get comfortable as well.
To help me with this, I've decided to play a mind game with myself. If I stay within my caloric goals each day Monday through Saturday, Sunday will be a free-for-all. All the crap that might tempt me all week will be fair game on that day. I've actually seen research that this kind of eating can be good for your metabolism. It prevents your body from going into starvation mode with all the reduced eating the rest of the week, and it causes your body to work extra hard to burn off those calories. You can only do it one day, though - no "oops, I guess Tuesday will be a free-for-all, too". It also schedules nicely with my Monday - Saturday exercise. It really does leave me Sunday as a true day of rest, and maybe knowing that I only have to be good for six days will give me the resolve I need to power through the week.
Here's to Sunday!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Analyze This
So I finally found a therapist who deals with eating issues. I had my second session last night, and I think this might actually be a good fit. She battled binging and purging issues herself, and says she's been healthy for 30 years.
I wasn't sure how this would go down. Would I be lying on a couch? Would she ask me about my mother? I spent most of the first session perched on the edge of her sofa, completely on edge, my purse clutched on my lap. I finally started to unclench about 50 minutes into our hour session. During our first meeting, we talked about a lot - my history with weight, my family, my husband, my eating habits, my job, a lot. We didn't get into any big earth-shattering revelations, but it was nice to have someone who could really listen without judging. I left with an assignment - to bring in a written log of everything I had eaten for three days.
I'm no stranger to the food diary. Anyone who's been on Weight Watchers knows - "you bite it, you write it". Well, here's my mini-confession for the week. I haven't been going to Weight Watchers since I started this exercise plan about a month ago. With the hour at the gym every day, I haven't found another meeting time that works, and I've been bad about tracking. I decided to try a food tracker on www.sparkpeople.com - it's actually a pretty decent site, maybe a little too much going on, but it's free, and the nutrition tracker is helpful.
My other mini-confession? Even on Weight Watchers, I know I sometimes fudged on my eating. Instead of facing up to a place where I binged on calories, I would think, "Oh, I just won't write it down, and we'll call that my bonus points for the week." If I did it again? Covertly stuffed a donut down my gullet with my office door closed? "Well, surely I didn't use alllll of those points last time. Problem solved!" I never really faced the ugliness of a 20 oz. Culvers Concrete Mixer with vanilla custard, hot fudge and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
This time I was very careful to write down everything. I wanted to make sure my therapist saw every nasty detail. The reality? Is that there aren't many nasty details. My eating is overall really quite healthy and balanced. Until I get stressed. Namely stressed at work. Then I stuff my face with anything I can get my hands on, including candy from the candy dish, vending machine delights, and 20 oz. ice cream treats. (By the way, that Concrete Mixer? Almost 1000 calories.) I am truly an emotional eater.
My bigger revelation came yesterday. She asked me about what age I first realized I was overweight, or felt like I was fat. I thought back in time, and realized that I always expected to be fat as a little kid. I was pretty average-sized, but my family was always overweight. I remember visiting a shoe store as a 7-year-old with my mom. The saleslady was tall, and overweight. Not obese, just a little on the large size. She looked like she was still quite active, and had very thick legs. After we were done in the store, and walking around the mall, I said to my mother, "I hope I look like her when I grow up". Mom drug me back to the store to tell the lady, thinking I had paid her such a nice compliment. The reality was, in my 7-year-old head, I was thinking it was my fate to be fat. When I told my mother I wanted to look like the saleslady, the sentence should have ended with, "...instead of looking like the rest of our family." Thank God I had the tact not to say it.
That was many years ago. After telling the story to my therapist, she responded with, "Do you think, deep down, that you still believe it's your fate to look like your mother?" I couldn't help myself. My emotions betrayed me, and the tears started flowing. I nodded silently. Could I really be sabotaging my own weight loss efforts with a deep-seeded belief that I am destined to be fat?
Clearly there's a lot more to discuss and think about. My assignment this week is to do a dominant/non-dominant hand journal entry. I'm supposed to wait until I'm very stressed/emotional about something, and then start writing with my dominant hand. Let it all out, don't hold back. Then I'm supposed to switch to my non-dominant hand and picture 7-year-old me, thinking I'm destined to wear bathing suits with skirts for the rest of my life, and ask that girl, "What do you need from me?" Apparently, the non-intellectual half of my brain will come up with something interesting.
We'll see.
I wasn't sure how this would go down. Would I be lying on a couch? Would she ask me about my mother? I spent most of the first session perched on the edge of her sofa, completely on edge, my purse clutched on my lap. I finally started to unclench about 50 minutes into our hour session. During our first meeting, we talked about a lot - my history with weight, my family, my husband, my eating habits, my job, a lot. We didn't get into any big earth-shattering revelations, but it was nice to have someone who could really listen without judging. I left with an assignment - to bring in a written log of everything I had eaten for three days.
I'm no stranger to the food diary. Anyone who's been on Weight Watchers knows - "you bite it, you write it". Well, here's my mini-confession for the week. I haven't been going to Weight Watchers since I started this exercise plan about a month ago. With the hour at the gym every day, I haven't found another meeting time that works, and I've been bad about tracking. I decided to try a food tracker on www.sparkpeople.com - it's actually a pretty decent site, maybe a little too much going on, but it's free, and the nutrition tracker is helpful.
My other mini-confession? Even on Weight Watchers, I know I sometimes fudged on my eating. Instead of facing up to a place where I binged on calories, I would think, "Oh, I just won't write it down, and we'll call that my bonus points for the week." If I did it again? Covertly stuffed a donut down my gullet with my office door closed? "Well, surely I didn't use alllll of those points last time. Problem solved!" I never really faced the ugliness of a 20 oz. Culvers Concrete Mixer with vanilla custard, hot fudge and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
This time I was very careful to write down everything. I wanted to make sure my therapist saw every nasty detail. The reality? Is that there aren't many nasty details. My eating is overall really quite healthy and balanced. Until I get stressed. Namely stressed at work. Then I stuff my face with anything I can get my hands on, including candy from the candy dish, vending machine delights, and 20 oz. ice cream treats. (By the way, that Concrete Mixer? Almost 1000 calories.) I am truly an emotional eater.
My bigger revelation came yesterday. She asked me about what age I first realized I was overweight, or felt like I was fat. I thought back in time, and realized that I always expected to be fat as a little kid. I was pretty average-sized, but my family was always overweight. I remember visiting a shoe store as a 7-year-old with my mom. The saleslady was tall, and overweight. Not obese, just a little on the large size. She looked like she was still quite active, and had very thick legs. After we were done in the store, and walking around the mall, I said to my mother, "I hope I look like her when I grow up". Mom drug me back to the store to tell the lady, thinking I had paid her such a nice compliment. The reality was, in my 7-year-old head, I was thinking it was my fate to be fat. When I told my mother I wanted to look like the saleslady, the sentence should have ended with, "...instead of looking like the rest of our family." Thank God I had the tact not to say it.
That was many years ago. After telling the story to my therapist, she responded with, "Do you think, deep down, that you still believe it's your fate to look like your mother?" I couldn't help myself. My emotions betrayed me, and the tears started flowing. I nodded silently. Could I really be sabotaging my own weight loss efforts with a deep-seeded belief that I am destined to be fat?
Clearly there's a lot more to discuss and think about. My assignment this week is to do a dominant/non-dominant hand journal entry. I'm supposed to wait until I'm very stressed/emotional about something, and then start writing with my dominant hand. Let it all out, don't hold back. Then I'm supposed to switch to my non-dominant hand and picture 7-year-old me, thinking I'm destined to wear bathing suits with skirts for the rest of my life, and ask that girl, "What do you need from me?" Apparently, the non-intellectual half of my brain will come up with something interesting.
We'll see.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Seriously?
Today I took a little walk down to our company store. My job requires that we wear shirts embroidered with the company logo, and I decided I needed a couple of new ones for spring. I grabbed one off the shelf, and took it to the sales guy so that he could order one in my size with the appropriate embroidery. He asked what size I wanted, and I replied XXL (all my other company shirts are XL and XXL, so I felt pretty comfortable with that).
The guy actually eyes me up and down, hesitates, and says, "Are you sure? Those shirts run small." I about smacked him.
Shit like that is (one of the the many reasons) why I'm tired of being fat.
On a slightly related note, I have to share my new favorite healthy lunch item. I'm a huge fan of Trader Joes, I do a lot of organic shopping there. Recently I found their "Reduced Guilt" Pizza Primavera in the frozen section. It's a personal pizza for $1.99, and it's covered in eggplant, bell peppers, yellow squash and zucchini with a smattering of mozzerella cheese. It's got a nice flavor of herbs and spices, and really fills you up with all those veggies - look at them!
The guy actually eyes me up and down, hesitates, and says, "Are you sure? Those shirts run small." I about smacked him.
Shit like that is (one of the the many reasons) why I'm tired of being fat.
On a slightly related note, I have to share my new favorite healthy lunch item. I'm a huge fan of Trader Joes, I do a lot of organic shopping there. Recently I found their "Reduced Guilt" Pizza Primavera in the frozen section. It's a personal pizza for $1.99, and it's covered in eggplant, bell peppers, yellow squash and zucchini with a smattering of mozzerella cheese. It's got a nice flavor of herbs and spices, and really fills you up with all those veggies - look at them!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Cardio Week!
What a great weekend - spring is finally here! We had temperatures in the high 80s, and it was absolutely gorgeous. Another great piece of the weekend? All this exercise is paying off, and I am FULL of energy! I'm still sore, and my knees grumble at me when I stand after sitting too long, but otherwise I feel so good. Like I'm filled with tiger blood.
I've been working hard at keeping my eating in check. Saturday was a small hiccup, we had family over and they brought pizza (and chips, and cookies, and brownies, oh my!). I kept my pizza intake to four skinny pieces over the course of the day (lunch and dinner), avoided the brownies, and just had a few chips. I focused on family and conversation and chasing dogs around rather than all the food. Last night's dinner was almost all veggies! We broke out the grill, and I had grilled zucchini/peppers/mushrooms, a few small potatoes and some asparagus, and a delicious slice of homemade wheat bread. Nice!
I'm off to a good start for a great week - which just happens to be "Cardio Week" in my 10-week challenge. Apparently all the punching/kicking/jumping/hopping/hurling/sprinting in place we've been doing the first three weeks don't count as "cardio". I'm nervous for what this week will bring, we're to bring our kickboxing gloves every day as well as our mats (ab work evvey day, eek!). I'm unsure if this is just the focus for this week, or if it will be a lot more cardio going forward. I wouldn't mind if it is, since I know that's the way to burn off fat. So far, while I feel stronger and more energetic, I haven't seen a lot of lost inches. Things are starting to fit better, but I'm hoping the cardio will really start to shed some inches and pounds.
Woo hoo! Hopefully I'm still able to type by next week!
I've been working hard at keeping my eating in check. Saturday was a small hiccup, we had family over and they brought pizza (and chips, and cookies, and brownies, oh my!). I kept my pizza intake to four skinny pieces over the course of the day (lunch and dinner), avoided the brownies, and just had a few chips. I focused on family and conversation and chasing dogs around rather than all the food. Last night's dinner was almost all veggies! We broke out the grill, and I had grilled zucchini/peppers/mushrooms, a few small potatoes and some asparagus, and a delicious slice of homemade wheat bread. Nice!
I'm off to a good start for a great week - which just happens to be "Cardio Week" in my 10-week challenge. Apparently all the punching/kicking/jumping/hopping/hurling/sprinting in place we've been doing the first three weeks don't count as "cardio". I'm nervous for what this week will bring, we're to bring our kickboxing gloves every day as well as our mats (ab work evvey day, eek!). I'm unsure if this is just the focus for this week, or if it will be a lot more cardio going forward. I wouldn't mind if it is, since I know that's the way to burn off fat. So far, while I feel stronger and more energetic, I haven't seen a lot of lost inches. Things are starting to fit better, but I'm hoping the cardio will really start to shed some inches and pounds.
Woo hoo! Hopefully I'm still able to type by next week!
Monday, March 28, 2011
Week Two - And I'm Sick
Last week was week two of my challenge.
It was a way wimpy week.
On Friday the 19th I came home with a scratchy, dry throat. By Saturday morning, I was full-on sick. I spent the entire weekend on the couch in a blanket cocoon, watching "Jersey Shore" reruns and occasionally calling out, "I'm dyyyyyying!", to anyone who would listen. The dogs were greatly sympathetic and took post on the couch with me, occasionally licking my feet and my fingers (really their only method of comforting others).
I managed to make it to work on Monday, but I couldn't bring myself to exercise in front of people. I knew it would involve a great deal of wheezing and hacking and sniffling, and I wouldn't want to be next to me in a gym. I missed Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday - by Thursday, I was still sick, but I knew I couldn't miss another class. So I trudged into my kickboxing class, all doped up on Sudafed and Robitussin.
The class was rough - we had a pint-sized instructor, and she was whirling around the bags like a mini-Mike Tyson on speed. Things had definitely increased in intensity during the second week, and I had been vacationing in Sofa City since last week. I tried to imagine that I was punching and kicking my germs away, hehe.
Friday was a lower body workout - the leg work isn't terrible, though my thighs and calves were trembling by the time we were done. It's the ab work that nearly killed me. Side planks, bicycles, none of those moves got any easier this time around.
I'm still sick - I can't believe it's been over a week! The cough has subsided a little bit, but I'm battling vertigo from all the congestion in my head.
The good news is I have pretty much no appetite. I can't taste anything, and the only thing that's appealing is chicken noodle soup. I've eaten cans of Campbells for the majority of my meals over the last 10 days. I'm sure my sodium intake is through the roof, but I'm keeping those calories down!
It was a way wimpy week.
On Friday the 19th I came home with a scratchy, dry throat. By Saturday morning, I was full-on sick. I spent the entire weekend on the couch in a blanket cocoon, watching "Jersey Shore" reruns and occasionally calling out, "I'm dyyyyyying!", to anyone who would listen. The dogs were greatly sympathetic and took post on the couch with me, occasionally licking my feet and my fingers (really their only method of comforting others).
I managed to make it to work on Monday, but I couldn't bring myself to exercise in front of people. I knew it would involve a great deal of wheezing and hacking and sniffling, and I wouldn't want to be next to me in a gym. I missed Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday - by Thursday, I was still sick, but I knew I couldn't miss another class. So I trudged into my kickboxing class, all doped up on Sudafed and Robitussin.
The class was rough - we had a pint-sized instructor, and she was whirling around the bags like a mini-Mike Tyson on speed. Things had definitely increased in intensity during the second week, and I had been vacationing in Sofa City since last week. I tried to imagine that I was punching and kicking my germs away, hehe.
Friday was a lower body workout - the leg work isn't terrible, though my thighs and calves were trembling by the time we were done. It's the ab work that nearly killed me. Side planks, bicycles, none of those moves got any easier this time around.
I'm still sick - I can't believe it's been over a week! The cough has subsided a little bit, but I'm battling vertigo from all the congestion in my head.
The good news is I have pretty much no appetite. I can't taste anything, and the only thing that's appealing is chicken noodle soup. I've eaten cans of Campbells for the majority of my meals over the last 10 days. I'm sure my sodium intake is through the roof, but I'm keeping those calories down!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Plyo-what-trics?
So I'm wrapping up my first week of this crazy 10-week exercise plan. I was already sore after the assessment day on Monday, so I knew the rest of the week would be a treat! After we ended the assessment, the instructor said, "Tomorrow is plyometrics. It's the hardest workout, so drink lots of water and do lots of stretching." Great. Good idea. Make the hardest workout on the first day. It felt like college chemistry, where they try to weed out the dummies in the first week. I was terrified.
I walked in Tuesday after work, all kitted out in my new Old Navy workout gear (cheap and they come in XXL). One hour, 10 minute increments of intense cardio with 1 minute of rest in between. I guess plyometrics is latin for "60 minutes of hell".
I walked in Tuesday after work, all kitted out in my new Old Navy workout gear (cheap and they come in XXL). One hour, 10 minute increments of intense cardio with 1 minute of rest in between. I guess plyometrics is latin for "60 minutes of hell".
The class involved a LOT of jumping. Jumping in the air. Let's just say it's not easy to vertically propel 330 pounds off the ground. The jumping jacks were probably the worst. While most people feel comfortable waving their hands in the air (like they just don't care), I kept mine firmly anchored next to my chest. Despite two sports bras, my assets were not very secure with all the leaping around.
The second worst exercise was the burpie. What's a burpie, you may ask? If you were involved in the sadistic torture of adolescents known as high school athletics, you're probably familiar. For the rest of you, the burpie is an exercise that starts in a push-up pose. You fling your feet back, do a push-up, tuck your legs back in, leap up in the air, then crouch down, fling your legs out, and do another push-up. Rinse and repeat. Or at least that's how it's supposed to go. Mine look a little more like this: slowly lower self to ground, struggle to do one push-up on knees, struggle back up to feet, hurl self a few inches off the ground, wipe sweat from brow, slowly lower self to ground, struggle into push-up position, lower self a few inches on shaking arms...you get the idea. There's a reason I stay in the back of the room!
Wednesday was an upper body workout. Kettlebells, push-ups, pathetic attempts at chin-ups, and a variety of ab exercises that made me want to weep. I can crunch until the cows come home, but these workouts involved holding myself in very uncomfortable positions. Planks, side planks, holding my legs in the air at odd angles. I left that class with every muscle from my waist up shaking.
Yesterday was kickboxing. Now this one I really enjoyed. We got wraps and gloves, and I went to town on that punching bag. Jab, cross, hook, knee, roundhouse kick! I felt like a fat and less-intense Chuck Norris.
Today? I am sore. So sore. It hurts to lower myself to the toilet. The stairs make me want to cry. But that must mean it's working, right? Honestly, for all the kvetching, the feedback from my body is good. Today is a lower body workout, and tomorrow I finish out the week with yoga. I'm excited to see how much stronger I'll become over the next 9 weeks!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Smooth Operator
My favorite breakfast was, is and always will be a delicious fruit smoothie. A couple of years ago, I started a clean eating cleanse. I purged sugar, alcohol, meat, dairy and even gluten from my diet for 21 days - I'm still not sure how I did it. I'm convinced the only reason I was successful is because I wasn't married. The husband wouldn't let me throw out all the milk and booze these days! Anyway, it was during that time that I came up with my ultimate smoothie recipe. With my super-duper workout schedule, I've decided to dust off the blender and bring it back - along with a few modifications. The recipe is:
1 cup organic soy milk (any milk will do here, cow, soy, almond, etc.)
1 scoop vanilla EAS protein powder
1 banana
1/4 cup frozen unsweetened blueberries
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened strawberries
I start with the banana and the milk and blend until the banana chunks are gone and the milk is frothy. Then add the protein powder and give the blender another punch. Now you can add your frozen fruit, and blend until your smoothie is a delicious pinky/purple color. This makes a pretty good serving - it fills my big pint glass and then some. The protein powder is not my favorite, it adds a grainy texture to the smoothie - but I know I'll need it with the strain I'm putting on my muscles! If you decide to do without the powder, I recommend about a tablespoon of agave nectar to sweeten things up a bit. Yummy!
Now post intense workout, you might want a little energy boost to help you recover. I like to do my Elvis special! The recipe:
1 cup (ice cold) soy milk (again, any milk product will do)
1 scoop chocolate EAS protein powder
1 banana
1 scant tablespoon of natural peanut butter
1/4 cup of ice
Throw the ingredients in the blender until smooth and enjoy! The ice measurement is a guesstimate - basically you just need a li'l somethin' somethin' to make this nice and cold. Trust me, a room temperature smoothie is nothing but nasty. Between the protein in the powder and the peanut butter and the potassium in the banana, your muscles will be singing your praises! (**disclaimer - I am neither a nutritionist nor a dietician nor a trainer nor a person with any kind of special training or knowledge about sports nutrition. Just saying.)
1 cup organic soy milk (any milk will do here, cow, soy, almond, etc.)
1 scoop vanilla EAS protein powder
1 banana
1/4 cup frozen unsweetened blueberries
1/2 cup frozen unsweetened strawberries
I start with the banana and the milk and blend until the banana chunks are gone and the milk is frothy. Then add the protein powder and give the blender another punch. Now you can add your frozen fruit, and blend until your smoothie is a delicious pinky/purple color. This makes a pretty good serving - it fills my big pint glass and then some. The protein powder is not my favorite, it adds a grainy texture to the smoothie - but I know I'll need it with the strain I'm putting on my muscles! If you decide to do without the powder, I recommend about a tablespoon of agave nectar to sweeten things up a bit. Yummy!
Now post intense workout, you might want a little energy boost to help you recover. I like to do my Elvis special! The recipe:
1 cup (ice cold) soy milk (again, any milk product will do)
1 scoop chocolate EAS protein powder
1 banana
1 scant tablespoon of natural peanut butter
1/4 cup of ice
Throw the ingredients in the blender until smooth and enjoy! The ice measurement is a guesstimate - basically you just need a li'l somethin' somethin' to make this nice and cold. Trust me, a room temperature smoothie is nothing but nasty. Between the protein in the powder and the peanut butter and the potassium in the banana, your muscles will be singing your praises! (**disclaimer - I am neither a nutritionist nor a dietician nor a trainer nor a person with any kind of special training or knowledge about sports nutrition. Just saying.)
Monday, March 14, 2011
Day One
Today was the first day of my 10 week "body makeover" challenge. I woke up at 4am (the day after DST starts - woof.) so that I could attend the 5am assessment. For the record, I will normally be attending a post-work time slot, because there ain't no way my ass is getting up at 4am for the next 10 weeks.
I had minimal information walking into the building this morning. I knew that there would be some fitness testing and I knew that I would have to have my "before" photo taken. They had sent a welcome email out a week or so ago, and it said I could wear either a "two piece swimsuit" (baaaaahahahahahaha!) or "shorts and a sports tank". I opted for the latter, since I haven't worn a two piece swimsuit since 1999. And I probably shouldn't have worn one since 1997. Other than that, I really wasn't sure what to expect.
I walked in and scanned the crowd, immediately trying to pick out anyone who might weigh the same as or more than me. There were a few people who looked like they would qualify as obese, but most people just looked moderately out of shape. There were a few hardcore athletic types, including a 50-year-old woman with Madonna-esque guns, bleach blonde hair and a tan that would make Fabio weep with envy. I found a spot next to the fattest person in the room, hoping I would look normal next to them.
The assessment, it turns out, was to consist of several stations, designed a lot like those Presidential Fitness Tests you did in school. There was a sit-up station, a push-up station, the sit-and-reach, chin-ups, planks and a wall sit. You also got weight, had measurements done, and then the dreaded picture. I completed all the physical tests, trying not to look too out of shape. My results were:
Sit-ups - did 47 in one minute
Wall sit - held for 1 min, 8 sec
Plank - held for 37 seconds
Push-ups - did 20, lady-style on my knees
Chin-up - 0
Sit-and-reach - 11 1/2 inches
I felt ok about most of these numbers, especially the wall sit - I beat out three dudes and all the women in my group. I figure my thighs are probably hella strong, carrying around all my extra weight. The plank was rough, I was the first one down. I honestly didn't even try to do a chin-up - if I couldn't do one in junior high when I weighed 130, I really doubt I'm going to be able to haul 200 more pounds up above that bar.
The measurements were as expected - I don't have those numbers as they kept them in my file, but I'll try to get them updated on here. My weight was a disappointment. I admit, I haven't been doing well the last few weeks. I think since I knew this was coming, I used it as an excuse to relax. As a result, I gained some weight. Oh, boo for me. Anyway, here's the down and dirty:
Weight - 331 lbs
BMI - 47.5
Fat Percentage - 53.4% (holy lord! I'm made up of 50% fat!)
Fat mass - 176.8 lbs
Fat-free mass - 154.2 lbs
Base metabolic rate - 2280 kcal
What does all that mean? Well, clearly I am obese. Ugh.
I was somewhat pleased to see that my fat-free mass (meaning everything in my body except fat, including bones, muscles, organs, etc.) was 154.2. This means I never have to even try for a weight under 150 pounds. And my base metabolic rate? I burn 2280 calories just being. We learn more about nutrition planning later this week.
Having my picture taken was the most humiliating part. They did snapshots in a supply closet, which felt a little dirty. They had my pose face forward, flexing my guns a la Jack LaLanne, then to the side, and then from behind. After she finished taking my picture, the girl with the camera commented, "Well, you have to start somewhere." I almost throat-punched her.
Overall, it was eye-opening - I'm excited to see what the next 10 weeks bring. Tomorrow is "plyometrics", which is a fancy word for cardio. I'm nervous, since I'm already sore just from the assessment this morning. I see lots of stretching (and maybe a few massages) in my future.
Wish me luck! Oh, and for your viewing pleasure, a few "before" pictures that I snapped in my powder room. Beware, you can't unsee these.
I had minimal information walking into the building this morning. I knew that there would be some fitness testing and I knew that I would have to have my "before" photo taken. They had sent a welcome email out a week or so ago, and it said I could wear either a "two piece swimsuit" (baaaaahahahahahaha!) or "shorts and a sports tank". I opted for the latter, since I haven't worn a two piece swimsuit since 1999. And I probably shouldn't have worn one since 1997. Other than that, I really wasn't sure what to expect.
I walked in and scanned the crowd, immediately trying to pick out anyone who might weigh the same as or more than me. There were a few people who looked like they would qualify as obese, but most people just looked moderately out of shape. There were a few hardcore athletic types, including a 50-year-old woman with Madonna-esque guns, bleach blonde hair and a tan that would make Fabio weep with envy. I found a spot next to the fattest person in the room, hoping I would look normal next to them.
The assessment, it turns out, was to consist of several stations, designed a lot like those Presidential Fitness Tests you did in school. There was a sit-up station, a push-up station, the sit-and-reach, chin-ups, planks and a wall sit. You also got weight, had measurements done, and then the dreaded picture. I completed all the physical tests, trying not to look too out of shape. My results were:
Sit-ups - did 47 in one minute
Wall sit - held for 1 min, 8 sec
Plank - held for 37 seconds
Push-ups - did 20, lady-style on my knees
Chin-up - 0
Sit-and-reach - 11 1/2 inches
I felt ok about most of these numbers, especially the wall sit - I beat out three dudes and all the women in my group. I figure my thighs are probably hella strong, carrying around all my extra weight. The plank was rough, I was the first one down. I honestly didn't even try to do a chin-up - if I couldn't do one in junior high when I weighed 130, I really doubt I'm going to be able to haul 200 more pounds up above that bar.
The measurements were as expected - I don't have those numbers as they kept them in my file, but I'll try to get them updated on here. My weight was a disappointment. I admit, I haven't been doing well the last few weeks. I think since I knew this was coming, I used it as an excuse to relax. As a result, I gained some weight. Oh, boo for me. Anyway, here's the down and dirty:
Weight - 331 lbs
BMI - 47.5
Fat Percentage - 53.4% (holy lord! I'm made up of 50% fat!)
Fat mass - 176.8 lbs
Fat-free mass - 154.2 lbs
Base metabolic rate - 2280 kcal
What does all that mean? Well, clearly I am obese. Ugh.
I was somewhat pleased to see that my fat-free mass (meaning everything in my body except fat, including bones, muscles, organs, etc.) was 154.2. This means I never have to even try for a weight under 150 pounds. And my base metabolic rate? I burn 2280 calories just being. We learn more about nutrition planning later this week.
Having my picture taken was the most humiliating part. They did snapshots in a supply closet, which felt a little dirty. They had my pose face forward, flexing my guns a la Jack LaLanne, then to the side, and then from behind. After she finished taking my picture, the girl with the camera commented, "Well, you have to start somewhere." I almost throat-punched her.
Overall, it was eye-opening - I'm excited to see what the next 10 weeks bring. Tomorrow is "plyometrics", which is a fancy word for cardio. I'm nervous, since I'm already sore just from the assessment this morning. I see lots of stretching (and maybe a few massages) in my future.
Wish me luck! Oh, and for your viewing pleasure, a few "before" pictures that I snapped in my powder room. Beware, you can't unsee these.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Work it, work it...
Exercise sucks. I'm serious. I don't care, you can say all you want about how great it feels, and the endorphins, blah, blah, blah. I say you're lying. There are a lot of things that I consider great fun, and none of them involve gasping for breath, sweat dripping into my eyes or sore muscles. Ok, ok, maybe one thing...
But the reality is, being fat sucks more. I am still really struggling with getting my eating under control. I have, however, been a LOT better about exercise.
I started doing EA Sports Active 2 in the comfort of my basement. I do have a gym membership, but if you've ever been 100+ pounds overweight, you know that sometimes it's scary to go to a mecca of fitness and tight bodies and struggle to do 20 minutes on the elliptical. So, it's me and my Wii. It's actually a pretty solid workout! We have Wii Fit as well, and even my out of shape ass knows that it's a joke of a workout. EA Sports Active 2 really does get your heart going (as is proven by the included heart rate monitor). It has a 9-week program and you program in which four days you want to work out every week. If you miss a day, you can make it up on one of your rest days.
The 9-week program is perfect, as it conveniently takes me right up to the start date of my super intense "fitness makeover" workout program that starts in March. I'm excited for that, but nervous as well. I actually had a dream that I came late on the first day, and everyone was already in groups working out. I walked over to my group - they were doing this torturous exercise that involved one person sitting on an imaginary chair, and then about 10 people sitting on his lap. They provided pants you could put on for "sanitary purposes". I frantically dug through the pile of pants so that I could join in, only to find out that the largest size still wouldn't fit me. So yeah, I'd say there's some anxiety around this...
But the reality is, being fat sucks more. I am still really struggling with getting my eating under control. I have, however, been a LOT better about exercise.
I started doing EA Sports Active 2 in the comfort of my basement. I do have a gym membership, but if you've ever been 100+ pounds overweight, you know that sometimes it's scary to go to a mecca of fitness and tight bodies and struggle to do 20 minutes on the elliptical. So, it's me and my Wii. It's actually a pretty solid workout! We have Wii Fit as well, and even my out of shape ass knows that it's a joke of a workout. EA Sports Active 2 really does get your heart going (as is proven by the included heart rate monitor). It has a 9-week program and you program in which four days you want to work out every week. If you miss a day, you can make it up on one of your rest days.
The 9-week program is perfect, as it conveniently takes me right up to the start date of my super intense "fitness makeover" workout program that starts in March. I'm excited for that, but nervous as well. I actually had a dream that I came late on the first day, and everyone was already in groups working out. I walked over to my group - they were doing this torturous exercise that involved one person sitting on an imaginary chair, and then about 10 people sitting on his lap. They provided pants you could put on for "sanitary purposes". I frantically dug through the pile of pants so that I could join in, only to find out that the largest size still wouldn't fit me. So yeah, I'd say there's some anxiety around this...
Friday, February 11, 2011
Moving Forward
I've had an okay week. I've been focused more on staying within my points, but it hasn't been particularly easy. For some reason, I am still having trouble with overeating - it seems almost compulsive at times. Based on my history with eating disorders and some of the other troubling signs (hiding food, eating in secrecy, etc.), I've made a decision to seek some therapy. I'm worried that whatever issues caused me to turn to anorexic and bulemic behavior in the past are still unresolved, and have been rearing their head in the form of binge eating and compulsive overeating. Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse, but it can't hurt to talk it out.
We've started an exercise plan, as well. My husband wants to lose some weight as well, so we've been getting up earlier in the morning, heading down to the basement and doing some moderate exercise every morning. It definitely helps set the tone for the day! I find myself less likely to eat destructively if I've done a little sweating in the morning. Something about knowing I almost died to burn off 200 calories makes me more reluctant to consume that same amount and then some in a single sitting.
I also signed myself up for a 10-week "body makeover" class. In mid March I start a program called Kosama - it's intense, one hour a day exercise consisting of kickboxing, plyometrics, yoga, etc. I'm looking forward to it - it includes some education and assistance with nutrition as well, plus I got a kick-ass deal on the enrollment fees. The best part is you have a chance to win some serious cash if you're selected as, for lack of a better term, the "biggest loser". I think it involves posting your before and after pictures on a website and allowing others to vote, which is humiliating...but motivating!
Tonight's dinner is baked organic chicken with organic mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli. Nice and healthy! Hopefully it will make up for lunch...we went to a restaurant that makes its own homemade potato chips. I put away half a basket of those suckers - you truly cannot eat just one. It's all or nothing. Go big or go home. I chose to go big. Which is what my ass is doing right now.
We've started an exercise plan, as well. My husband wants to lose some weight as well, so we've been getting up earlier in the morning, heading down to the basement and doing some moderate exercise every morning. It definitely helps set the tone for the day! I find myself less likely to eat destructively if I've done a little sweating in the morning. Something about knowing I almost died to burn off 200 calories makes me more reluctant to consume that same amount and then some in a single sitting.
I also signed myself up for a 10-week "body makeover" class. In mid March I start a program called Kosama - it's intense, one hour a day exercise consisting of kickboxing, plyometrics, yoga, etc. I'm looking forward to it - it includes some education and assistance with nutrition as well, plus I got a kick-ass deal on the enrollment fees. The best part is you have a chance to win some serious cash if you're selected as, for lack of a better term, the "biggest loser". I think it involves posting your before and after pictures on a website and allowing others to vote, which is humiliating...but motivating!
Tonight's dinner is baked organic chicken with organic mashed potatoes and steamed broccoli. Nice and healthy! Hopefully it will make up for lunch...we went to a restaurant that makes its own homemade potato chips. I put away half a basket of those suckers - you truly cannot eat just one. It's all or nothing. Go big or go home. I chose to go big. Which is what my ass is doing right now.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Why
I'm a smart kid. I know how to set up action plans and achieve goals with measurable steps. I'm successful. All of this applies to almost every single aspect of my personal and professional life. Except for my weight. I think that has been the most frustrating part of finding myself at over 300 pounds. Why shouldn't a smart, capable woman be able to overcome this with ease? Well, I think it's time I started to apply some of my business smarts to this weight loss.
Whenever I am given a goal (or give a goal or project to someone else), I find the most best way to motivate or be motivated is to understand why the goal is important. What will success bring? What does success look like? Why can't we just carry on doing things the way we've always been doing things? Change is scary, even for the most vetted change agent. Even if the way "we've always been doing things" is terrible and wrong. Or even deadly. The old "devil you know" adage.
To help myself out, I'm going to write a handy list of why I need to, want to, have to lose this weight! Get excited...here is...THE LIST!
1. I want to have children. We are hoping to get pregnant this year, but I am under no false hopes that my weight may not make things more difficult. I also have read horror stories of obese pregnant women essentially being treated like garbage by the doctor on call, assuming they are more likely to be an issue than a "normal" woman. I also worry about gaining even more weight with a pregnancy. If I can't say no to Chinese takeout now, what will I be like with baby hormones coursing through my body?
2. I know my health will eventually suffer if I don't shake this. Right now, my blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, etc. all fall well within the "healthy" range. I can only assume that this is because I haven't always been fat. My body is clinging to any residual health benefits I have left from being thinner and more athletic.
3. My joints are starting to ache more. My ankles are stiff, and my knees hurt. I'm too young to feel like an old lady.
4. I want to wear high heels. Even at 260 pounds, I had a cute pair of heeled boots. Now this may be because they were cheap Target shoes, but I only wore them a few times before the heel literally started to bend. I think I'm harder on shoes in general because of my weight. And I think it's harder on my feet. Putting all of your weight on the balls of your feet is different when you're only 150 pounds versus my mass.
5. I don't want to worry about fitting into chairs. I've yet to find a chair I can't sit in (I'm not THAT big), but airplane seats are tight and uncomfortable. I do find myself now eyeballing chairs with armrests to decide if I need to find an alternative.
6. I don't want to worry about fitting into rides! I love roller coasters, and we're hoping to visit a few this summer. I haven't been in a couple of years, but even 30-40 pounds ago, it was a tight fit to get some of the shoulder harnesses closed over my chest. Eek! I can't imagine the shame of being asked to get off of a ride (in front of the cruel stares of hundreds of children) because you're too fat to ride.
7. I want to be able to shop wherever I want. Not only am I fat, but I'm tall. I'm already relegated to pretty much shopping only at Lane Bryant when I go to a mall, and then they go and get rid of many of their long lengths in the store. I recently split my only pair of jeans that fit (my thighs apparently rubbed the fabric thin enough that the fabric ripped), and I can't find any to replace them. I have to remind myself that when I lose more weight, I have many sizes of smaller jeans waiting for me!
8. I want to be able to exercise freely without getting winded or tired too soon. I've found myself opting out of more strenuous or athletic activities with friends for fear I'll embarrass myself.
9. I want to look good. I feel slovenly and unattractive. I was never terribly self-confident, but I at least felt like I could be attractive and catch a few looks when I went out. Now I feel (and often wish I were) invisible.
10. I want to be attractive to my husband. I know he loves me, but he must see the weight and be concerned. I don't want his friends to judge me for being fat. I want them to say, "Wow, Mr. Pounds, your wife is hot!" It definitely impacts our sex life because I don't feel attractive or sexy. When he's not "in the mood", I read it as him being turned off by me, and I have stopped making advances.
I know this list is not all-inclusive, but it's a start. I'm sure my reasons will adjust and change over time. I do know that I'll be referring back to this list on days when I'm feeling weak or like it's just not worth it. Because it is. And I am.
Whenever I am given a goal (or give a goal or project to someone else), I find the most best way to motivate or be motivated is to understand why the goal is important. What will success bring? What does success look like? Why can't we just carry on doing things the way we've always been doing things? Change is scary, even for the most vetted change agent. Even if the way "we've always been doing things" is terrible and wrong. Or even deadly. The old "devil you know" adage.
To help myself out, I'm going to write a handy list of why I need to, want to, have to lose this weight! Get excited...here is...THE LIST!
1. I want to have children. We are hoping to get pregnant this year, but I am under no false hopes that my weight may not make things more difficult. I also have read horror stories of obese pregnant women essentially being treated like garbage by the doctor on call, assuming they are more likely to be an issue than a "normal" woman. I also worry about gaining even more weight with a pregnancy. If I can't say no to Chinese takeout now, what will I be like with baby hormones coursing through my body?
2. I know my health will eventually suffer if I don't shake this. Right now, my blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar, etc. all fall well within the "healthy" range. I can only assume that this is because I haven't always been fat. My body is clinging to any residual health benefits I have left from being thinner and more athletic.
3. My joints are starting to ache more. My ankles are stiff, and my knees hurt. I'm too young to feel like an old lady.
4. I want to wear high heels. Even at 260 pounds, I had a cute pair of heeled boots. Now this may be because they were cheap Target shoes, but I only wore them a few times before the heel literally started to bend. I think I'm harder on shoes in general because of my weight. And I think it's harder on my feet. Putting all of your weight on the balls of your feet is different when you're only 150 pounds versus my mass.
5. I don't want to worry about fitting into chairs. I've yet to find a chair I can't sit in (I'm not THAT big), but airplane seats are tight and uncomfortable. I do find myself now eyeballing chairs with armrests to decide if I need to find an alternative.
6. I don't want to worry about fitting into rides! I love roller coasters, and we're hoping to visit a few this summer. I haven't been in a couple of years, but even 30-40 pounds ago, it was a tight fit to get some of the shoulder harnesses closed over my chest. Eek! I can't imagine the shame of being asked to get off of a ride (in front of the cruel stares of hundreds of children) because you're too fat to ride.
7. I want to be able to shop wherever I want. Not only am I fat, but I'm tall. I'm already relegated to pretty much shopping only at Lane Bryant when I go to a mall, and then they go and get rid of many of their long lengths in the store. I recently split my only pair of jeans that fit (my thighs apparently rubbed the fabric thin enough that the fabric ripped), and I can't find any to replace them. I have to remind myself that when I lose more weight, I have many sizes of smaller jeans waiting for me!
8. I want to be able to exercise freely without getting winded or tired too soon. I've found myself opting out of more strenuous or athletic activities with friends for fear I'll embarrass myself.
9. I want to look good. I feel slovenly and unattractive. I was never terribly self-confident, but I at least felt like I could be attractive and catch a few looks when I went out. Now I feel (and often wish I were) invisible.
10. I want to be attractive to my husband. I know he loves me, but he must see the weight and be concerned. I don't want his friends to judge me for being fat. I want them to say, "Wow, Mr. Pounds, your wife is hot!" It definitely impacts our sex life because I don't feel attractive or sexy. When he's not "in the mood", I read it as him being turned off by me, and I have stopped making advances.
I know this list is not all-inclusive, but it's a start. I'm sure my reasons will adjust and change over time. I do know that I'll be referring back to this list on days when I'm feeling weak or like it's just not worth it. Because it is. And I am.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Where did the wagon go?
I'm so far off it, I can't even see it any more.
This was another rough week. I've been starting off the day ok, but then it all goes to hell in a handbasket by mid-afternoon. I need to pinpoint exactly what drives me to overeat/eat crap, and more importantly, figure out how to combat it. I'm scared to go to Weight Watchers on Wednesday, I'm not gonna lie.
I've been at this point before - a couple of bad weeks and next thing you know, I've given up. The last time this happened was after our wedding. I wound up packing on 35 pounds. I have to get this back under control before I have to rename my blog "189 Pounds".
Let's examine today. I drove through Starbucks (I had to be in to work a little early, so this was easier than making breakfast) and ordered a fat-free latte and a reduced fat breakfast sandwich. Around mid-morning, I had an apple. So far, so good. I was busy with work, so I didn't have time to think too much about snacking or being hungry. I had lunch at 11:30, a Weight Watchers frozen meal, some raw green pepper slices, and some organic cherry tomatoes. I also had a Laughing Cow cheese wedge and a few water crackers. I didn't have anything else until about 4:30pm. I knew I had about an hour of work left, everyone else in the department was gone, and I was tired. I went to the vending machine and got Fritos, a Snickers bar and a Pepsi. I about inhaled the chips and the candy bar, but I stopped myself after about 1/3 of the soda. On the way home, I stopped at a Wal-Mart for some necessities, and I swung through the bakery department. I bought a package of five cream horns and ate three of them on the drive home. I was so disgusted with myself I tossed the rest of the package out the car window. I also was embarrassed that my husband might see the package in my car and know what I'd done. Dinner wasn't too bad - pasta, organic vodka sauce with a little bit of organic chicken.
If I analyze today, the breakdown started when I was a little bit bored, tired and stressed. I'm also right in the throes of PMS. And my lunch was lacking in protein, so maybe my body was trying to compensate.
I will be going to Weight Watchers on Wednesday, and will have to deal with the consequences of my actions - and I'll be looking for the wagon in the morning so I can climb back aboard.
This was another rough week. I've been starting off the day ok, but then it all goes to hell in a handbasket by mid-afternoon. I need to pinpoint exactly what drives me to overeat/eat crap, and more importantly, figure out how to combat it. I'm scared to go to Weight Watchers on Wednesday, I'm not gonna lie.
I've been at this point before - a couple of bad weeks and next thing you know, I've given up. The last time this happened was after our wedding. I wound up packing on 35 pounds. I have to get this back under control before I have to rename my blog "189 Pounds".
Let's examine today. I drove through Starbucks (I had to be in to work a little early, so this was easier than making breakfast) and ordered a fat-free latte and a reduced fat breakfast sandwich. Around mid-morning, I had an apple. So far, so good. I was busy with work, so I didn't have time to think too much about snacking or being hungry. I had lunch at 11:30, a Weight Watchers frozen meal, some raw green pepper slices, and some organic cherry tomatoes. I also had a Laughing Cow cheese wedge and a few water crackers. I didn't have anything else until about 4:30pm. I knew I had about an hour of work left, everyone else in the department was gone, and I was tired. I went to the vending machine and got Fritos, a Snickers bar and a Pepsi. I about inhaled the chips and the candy bar, but I stopped myself after about 1/3 of the soda. On the way home, I stopped at a Wal-Mart for some necessities, and I swung through the bakery department. I bought a package of five cream horns and ate three of them on the drive home. I was so disgusted with myself I tossed the rest of the package out the car window. I also was embarrassed that my husband might see the package in my car and know what I'd done. Dinner wasn't too bad - pasta, organic vodka sauce with a little bit of organic chicken.
If I analyze today, the breakdown started when I was a little bit bored, tired and stressed. I'm also right in the throes of PMS. And my lunch was lacking in protein, so maybe my body was trying to compensate.
I will be going to Weight Watchers on Wednesday, and will have to deal with the consequences of my actions - and I'll be looking for the wagon in the morning so I can climb back aboard.
Monday, January 24, 2011
What a week...
So this has been a little bit of a crazy week, as evidenced by my absence from the blogosphere.
It started with a stressful work week. My workload has increased significantly, and it's not fun or inspiring work. It's not improving any kind of skill or aiding in my personal or professional development. In short, it sucks. Add to that that my boss is sometimes...well...he's an asshat. So between longer hours and coming home stressed, I had some slip ups this week (ordered Chinese on Tuesday, ate old cake frosting from the jar with a spoon on Thursday...and Friday...ok, and on Saturday).
Add to that my severe cabin fever. I can see why people trapped in remote cabins during blizzards eventually go crazy and eat each other. At this midpoint in winter, I'm about to snap. I've gotten downright loopy. By Sunday this weekend, I wanted out of the house so bad...but yet I didn't want to leave because it was so cold. My husband was tired of me, and I don't blame him. I was tired of me too! On Sunday, he was sitting on the couch catching up on some crappy TV. I shuffled in, sat down next to him and stared at him. No response. Then I started to poke him until he looked at me. Here's a recap of our conversation:
Me: I'm hungry.
Darling Husband: Do you want some lunch?
M: Yes.
I continued to sit and stare at him.
DH: Do you want me to make something?
M: No. *sigh* I'll do it. What do you want?
DH: I don't know, what do you want?
M: Gah! I don't know! Make up your mind and I'll make it for you!
DH: Wow, sorry. Ok, how about soup?
M: Ew, no.
DH: Um, sandwiches?
M: No.
DH: Tacos? Veggie burgers? Spaghetti? Lasagna? Frozen dinners? Pizza?
M: No, no, no, no, no, and no.
I stared some more.
M: I guess I'm not hungry.
M: *sigh* I'm bored.
DH: (not even losing patience yet, the man is a saint) What do you want to do?
M: Nothing.
DH: Why don't you go to your parents?
M: I don't feel like it.
DH: Why don't you go hand out with a friend?
M: I don't have any friends.
He stares back at me.
DH: Seriously?
Pretty sure most of our Sunday went something like that. I can't believe he hasn't locked me in the bathroom yet. Even the dogs are tired of my seasonal morose - at first I think they enjoyed it, as flopping on the couch and dramatic sighs are pretty much their thing and they finally had someone who enjoyed it as much as they do. But one of them tried to bite me yesterday when I went to move him off my corner of the couch.
I didn't make it to my Weight Watchers meeting on Wednesday because I was stuck at work late, so I'll be weighing this Wednesday for two weeks. As much as I hate to admit it, those meetings really do help support my goals and remind me of why I'm doing what I'm doing. Hopefully I haven't derailed too much.
On top of all of that, I failed to blog - I see this as an accountability thing, and I admittedly was embarrassed to report that I was...well, I was failing in general all week!
I definitely needed to have a little bit of a "come to Jesus" talk with myself this morning. I had a doctor's appointment, and was weighed (embarrassing), then when she took my blood pressure, she had to go and fetch the "other cuff" - for those not familiar, there's a bigger cuff if your guns are too big to fit in the normal one. The normal one actually fits me (barely), but once I tell them my weight at any medical places, I start to get things like a huge robe (at the OB-GYN a few weeks ago, I was actually handed a 5X), larger wheelchairs (I ended up in an urgent care office for a minor injury, the wheelchair they put me in barely fit through the door), etc. Anyway, it reminded me that I don't want to need special accomodations because of my fat. I was also reading an article in People while in the waiting room about some folks who had lost half their body weight. If those chubby kids can do it, I can too! Inspiring!
I've refocused - I have a lot to look forward to this week! Funny enough, the thing I'm most excited about is our first organic produce delivery. We signed up a few days ago, and on Wednesday we'll get our first order delivered right to our front door. I bought ingredients to start making our own homemade bread, cutting out all the processed crap that goes into store brands. I also have a plan to get back on the elliptical starting tonight - I did really good last week and last weekend, but that dropped along with the rest of my focus. I definitely feel better even with a little bit of exercise. Finally, I've mapped out where I should be falling in terms of weight loss - when I'll hit my 5% and 10% goals, and when I should reach my ultimate goal if I average 2 pounds a week. I have them entered in to my Outlook calendar so that each morning I can see where I should be! It's definitely motivating to look forward and think, "If I do what I know I need to do, by [such and such event] I'll weigh this, or be able to wear this!" We have big plans this year for travel and events, so I'm looking forward to being thinner for each of them!
Have a great week - I'll be updating more often this week to record my SUCCESS!
It started with a stressful work week. My workload has increased significantly, and it's not fun or inspiring work. It's not improving any kind of skill or aiding in my personal or professional development. In short, it sucks. Add to that that my boss is sometimes...well...he's an asshat. So between longer hours and coming home stressed, I had some slip ups this week (ordered Chinese on Tuesday, ate old cake frosting from the jar with a spoon on Thursday...and Friday...ok, and on Saturday).
Add to that my severe cabin fever. I can see why people trapped in remote cabins during blizzards eventually go crazy and eat each other. At this midpoint in winter, I'm about to snap. I've gotten downright loopy. By Sunday this weekend, I wanted out of the house so bad...but yet I didn't want to leave because it was so cold. My husband was tired of me, and I don't blame him. I was tired of me too! On Sunday, he was sitting on the couch catching up on some crappy TV. I shuffled in, sat down next to him and stared at him. No response. Then I started to poke him until he looked at me. Here's a recap of our conversation:
Me: I'm hungry.
Darling Husband: Do you want some lunch?
M: Yes.
I continued to sit and stare at him.
DH: Do you want me to make something?
M: No. *sigh* I'll do it. What do you want?
DH: I don't know, what do you want?
M: Gah! I don't know! Make up your mind and I'll make it for you!
DH: Wow, sorry. Ok, how about soup?
M: Ew, no.
DH: Um, sandwiches?
M: No.
DH: Tacos? Veggie burgers? Spaghetti? Lasagna? Frozen dinners? Pizza?
M: No, no, no, no, no, and no.
I stared some more.
M: I guess I'm not hungry.
M: *sigh* I'm bored.
DH: (not even losing patience yet, the man is a saint) What do you want to do?
M: Nothing.
DH: Why don't you go to your parents?
M: I don't feel like it.
DH: Why don't you go hand out with a friend?
M: I don't have any friends.
He stares back at me.
DH: Seriously?
Pretty sure most of our Sunday went something like that. I can't believe he hasn't locked me in the bathroom yet. Even the dogs are tired of my seasonal morose - at first I think they enjoyed it, as flopping on the couch and dramatic sighs are pretty much their thing and they finally had someone who enjoyed it as much as they do. But one of them tried to bite me yesterday when I went to move him off my corner of the couch.
I didn't make it to my Weight Watchers meeting on Wednesday because I was stuck at work late, so I'll be weighing this Wednesday for two weeks. As much as I hate to admit it, those meetings really do help support my goals and remind me of why I'm doing what I'm doing. Hopefully I haven't derailed too much.
On top of all of that, I failed to blog - I see this as an accountability thing, and I admittedly was embarrassed to report that I was...well, I was failing in general all week!
I definitely needed to have a little bit of a "come to Jesus" talk with myself this morning. I had a doctor's appointment, and was weighed (embarrassing), then when she took my blood pressure, she had to go and fetch the "other cuff" - for those not familiar, there's a bigger cuff if your guns are too big to fit in the normal one. The normal one actually fits me (barely), but once I tell them my weight at any medical places, I start to get things like a huge robe (at the OB-GYN a few weeks ago, I was actually handed a 5X), larger wheelchairs (I ended up in an urgent care office for a minor injury, the wheelchair they put me in barely fit through the door), etc. Anyway, it reminded me that I don't want to need special accomodations because of my fat. I was also reading an article in People while in the waiting room about some folks who had lost half their body weight. If those chubby kids can do it, I can too! Inspiring!
I've refocused - I have a lot to look forward to this week! Funny enough, the thing I'm most excited about is our first organic produce delivery. We signed up a few days ago, and on Wednesday we'll get our first order delivered right to our front door. I bought ingredients to start making our own homemade bread, cutting out all the processed crap that goes into store brands. I also have a plan to get back on the elliptical starting tonight - I did really good last week and last weekend, but that dropped along with the rest of my focus. I definitely feel better even with a little bit of exercise. Finally, I've mapped out where I should be falling in terms of weight loss - when I'll hit my 5% and 10% goals, and when I should reach my ultimate goal if I average 2 pounds a week. I have them entered in to my Outlook calendar so that each morning I can see where I should be! It's definitely motivating to look forward and think, "If I do what I know I need to do, by [such and such event] I'll weigh this, or be able to wear this!" We have big plans this year for travel and events, so I'm looking forward to being thinner for each of them!
Have a great week - I'll be updating more often this week to record my SUCCESS!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Product Alert!
I'm always inspired to find new, healthy food after my Weight Watchers meeting. People often bring in packages of items they've found at the grocery store, or share recipes. I used to find (on the old program) that often these recipes or items would have a lot of nutritionally void "tricks" to try and keep the calories or the points low, but with the new plan's emphasis on healthy, "power" foods, I don't run into that as much.
Off I went after my meeting Wednesday, all fueled up on the high of weight loss and good intentions for the week to come. I walked into the store ready to look for fun, healthy items that would keep me motivated this week. I, for the most part, try to eat as much whole, clean food as possible. I look for short ingredient lists, and try to cook from scratch where possible. I eat almost vegetarian (if it weren't for bacon and bratwurst, I could go all the way). I also aim to keep most of my purchases organic. But I'm human - I also look for easy and inexpensive, too! Can't a girl have it all? Well...maybe not all...but I found a new product at Super Target that comes pretty darn close! I bring you...
Amy's Organics Light & Lean!
While you "ooh" and "ahh" over my workplace photography skills, I'll tell you more. I have always had a love affair with Amy's - I think they make some great stuff (I could marry the roasted vegetable no-cheese pizza), but some of their frozen meals aren't exactly "light". Well, it looks like they've come up with an option for those of us watching our caloric intake!
I had the Soft Taco Fiesta, and it was like a Mexican party in my mouth. At $3.50-ish, it's not especially cheap for a frozen meal, but can you really get any easier? I finished this off, licked my spoon a few times to make sure I didn't miss anything, and I was nice and full. I sit here an hour later and I still have a nice, warm, full tummy. Here's the down and dirty: 220 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, and 20% of your daily fiber needs. It's a little high in sodium at 560mg (23% of your daily needs), but that's usually a given with anything pre-prepared. Just watch the rest of your intake.
They also have a Black Bean & Cheese Enchilada, Spinach Lasaga and Pasta & Veggies. I couldn't bring myself to pay for the Pasta & Veggies, I felt like at $3.50 I could make that on my own for less with minimal effort. The other varieties, however, are waiting in my freezer for the next workday when I'm too lazy to put a lunch together!
Off I went after my meeting Wednesday, all fueled up on the high of weight loss and good intentions for the week to come. I walked into the store ready to look for fun, healthy items that would keep me motivated this week. I, for the most part, try to eat as much whole, clean food as possible. I look for short ingredient lists, and try to cook from scratch where possible. I eat almost vegetarian (if it weren't for bacon and bratwurst, I could go all the way). I also aim to keep most of my purchases organic. But I'm human - I also look for easy and inexpensive, too! Can't a girl have it all? Well...maybe not all...but I found a new product at Super Target that comes pretty darn close! I bring you...
Amy's Organics Light & Lean!
While you "ooh" and "ahh" over my workplace photography skills, I'll tell you more. I have always had a love affair with Amy's - I think they make some great stuff (I could marry the roasted vegetable no-cheese pizza), but some of their frozen meals aren't exactly "light". Well, it looks like they've come up with an option for those of us watching our caloric intake!
I had the Soft Taco Fiesta, and it was like a Mexican party in my mouth. At $3.50-ish, it's not especially cheap for a frozen meal, but can you really get any easier? I finished this off, licked my spoon a few times to make sure I didn't miss anything, and I was nice and full. I sit here an hour later and I still have a nice, warm, full tummy. Here's the down and dirty: 220 calories, 4.5 grams of fat, and 20% of your daily fiber needs. It's a little high in sodium at 560mg (23% of your daily needs), but that's usually a given with anything pre-prepared. Just watch the rest of your intake.
They also have a Black Bean & Cheese Enchilada, Spinach Lasaga and Pasta & Veggies. I couldn't bring myself to pay for the Pasta & Veggies, I felt like at $3.50 I could make that on my own for less with minimal effort. The other varieties, however, are waiting in my freezer for the next workday when I'm too lazy to put a lunch together!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Wednesday Weigh In!
Wednesday is my weigh-in day at Weight Watchers. I ended up with better results this week - I'm now at 321.4 pounds, so down 2.6 total from my start-of-blog weight! Hurrah! I now only need to lose 151.4 pounds...much better, right?!?!
Weight Watchers is kind enough to break things down into smaller goals for people with their own gravitational pull like me. I'm aiming for my 5% goal right now - so basically 16 pounds. That sounds much more attainable. Only 13.4 more pounds to go until I reach my first goal! Saying I only have 13.4 pounds to go makes me feel like a skinny bitch. I will say this to myself every day.
On that note, let's talk about food. I did pretty good today, especially since my day got so ridiculously busy that I couldn't eat lunch. I guess that's a win? For breakfast, I swung through Starbucks and got a reduced-fat turkey bacon and egg white sandwich. It's pretty filling, and I enjoy it, but it's a bit of a points splurge - 9 points! Lunch, as was previously mentioned, was a wash, but I scavenged a piece of Babybel Light cheese from the office fridge (don't worry, it was mine). I stopped at Super Target on the way home for groceries, so tonight the husband and I will be dining on a baked potato (with olive oil), steamed broccoli and a tasty turkey cheddar brat! I'm pretty pumped, I can smell the potatoes baking now...
Happy Wednesday! Hopefully next week I'll finally break the 5 pound mark!
Weight Watchers is kind enough to break things down into smaller goals for people with their own gravitational pull like me. I'm aiming for my 5% goal right now - so basically 16 pounds. That sounds much more attainable. Only 13.4 more pounds to go until I reach my first goal! Saying I only have 13.4 pounds to go makes me feel like a skinny bitch. I will say this to myself every day.
On that note, let's talk about food. I did pretty good today, especially since my day got so ridiculously busy that I couldn't eat lunch. I guess that's a win? For breakfast, I swung through Starbucks and got a reduced-fat turkey bacon and egg white sandwich. It's pretty filling, and I enjoy it, but it's a bit of a points splurge - 9 points! Lunch, as was previously mentioned, was a wash, but I scavenged a piece of Babybel Light cheese from the office fridge (don't worry, it was mine). I stopped at Super Target on the way home for groceries, so tonight the husband and I will be dining on a baked potato (with olive oil), steamed broccoli and a tasty turkey cheddar brat! I'm pretty pumped, I can smell the potatoes baking now...
Happy Wednesday! Hopefully next week I'll finally break the 5 pound mark!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Stressed spelled backwards...
I've been trying to figure out just what causes a seemingly normal person to do self-destructive things. Things like gaining massive amounts of weight. When I was younger, I would often skim my mother's weight loss books. She had quite a collection - for what it's worth, obesity is not something I'm fighting alone. Most of my family is overweight if not obese. Growing up, I think my mother struggled mostly privately with her weight, but I do remember an extensive library of diet books. Reading through one (to see if I could find a quick way to lose 10 pounds before prom), I found that it focused a great deal on finding the emotional reasons that you eat. Well, that was silly, I thought. I don't have emotional issues to dig through, I just need to eat less!
Fast forward 13 years (or so), and I finally realize that weight gain like this doesn't just come from eating too much. Something must trigger me to want to overeat. What comfort am I getting from being fat? Or just from the act of stuffing my face? I'm really trying to pay attention to the cues around me so that I can address them.
Yesterday I had just a craptastic day at work. I found out that we would be losing a person, and that their workload would fall on to my plate. Excellent! Forty hours worth of work to somehow magically get done on top of my own workload. I nearly cried at work I was so mad. I felt sorry for myself for the rest of the day.
I made it through the afternoon, following through with my planned eating (thank gosh I didn't have any cash for the vending machine), but as soon as I got home I started digging through the pantry. First it was a carefully measured serving of peanuts (5 points), then it was some ginger snaps (4 points). Then I discovered some leftover Christmas cookies and a jar of unopened frosting. I frosted a cookie and devoured it (4 points). Then my husband left the room and I lost all self control. I opened the jar of peanut butter and took a small spoonful (3 points). Then I took another small spoonful and dipped it into the frosting - divinity! Three more peanut butter/frosting spoons and a small wedge of cheese and I forced myself out of the kitchen. Well, actually, I heard my husband coming down the stairs and didn't want to be caught in my unattractive binge. I lost track of the points, but thankfully I hadn't touched my "bonus" points for the week, so fingers crossed that I didn't do too much damage. I made it through the rest of the afternoon without any other trips to the feed trough, and am on track today.
I have to assume that the stress of the workday pushed me to do something that I knew was bad for me. I was definitely physically hungry when I left work, but a more rational action would have been to eat a piece of fruit or start cooking dinner - not shoveling frosting into my mouth while no one was looking. As I work on losing weight and figuring out how to live healthy, I'll need to continue to keep an eye on this one...
Fast forward 13 years (or so), and I finally realize that weight gain like this doesn't just come from eating too much. Something must trigger me to want to overeat. What comfort am I getting from being fat? Or just from the act of stuffing my face? I'm really trying to pay attention to the cues around me so that I can address them.
Yesterday I had just a craptastic day at work. I found out that we would be losing a person, and that their workload would fall on to my plate. Excellent! Forty hours worth of work to somehow magically get done on top of my own workload. I nearly cried at work I was so mad. I felt sorry for myself for the rest of the day.
I made it through the afternoon, following through with my planned eating (thank gosh I didn't have any cash for the vending machine), but as soon as I got home I started digging through the pantry. First it was a carefully measured serving of peanuts (5 points), then it was some ginger snaps (4 points). Then I discovered some leftover Christmas cookies and a jar of unopened frosting. I frosted a cookie and devoured it (4 points). Then my husband left the room and I lost all self control. I opened the jar of peanut butter and took a small spoonful (3 points). Then I took another small spoonful and dipped it into the frosting - divinity! Three more peanut butter/frosting spoons and a small wedge of cheese and I forced myself out of the kitchen. Well, actually, I heard my husband coming down the stairs and didn't want to be caught in my unattractive binge. I lost track of the points, but thankfully I hadn't touched my "bonus" points for the week, so fingers crossed that I didn't do too much damage. I made it through the rest of the afternoon without any other trips to the feed trough, and am on track today.
I have to assume that the stress of the workday pushed me to do something that I knew was bad for me. I was definitely physically hungry when I left work, but a more rational action would have been to eat a piece of fruit or start cooking dinner - not shoveling frosting into my mouth while no one was looking. As I work on losing weight and figuring out how to live healthy, I'll need to continue to keep an eye on this one...
Friday, January 7, 2011
(Small) Success!
I'm down 0.8 pounds.
Honestly, I could go all melodramatic and cry about how hard I worked, and it should have been more...but I'm so not that girl. I also can't lie to you - you probably saw my post that I ate half a small cheesecake in a 24-hour period last weekend. I'm also still coming off of a week of holiday consumption where I was, shall we say, less than careful about tracking my food.
I'm pleased with the result - after my NYE Red Lobster feast (and the pursuant Great Cheesecake Binge), I really did buckle down. I feel like my results reflect my actions, and you can't ask for much more than that. I've had weeks in the past where I have lost several pounds, knowing that I had been less than angelic with my eating and exercise habits. I always felt a little bit guilty afterwards, feeling like I cheated the system, and somewhat fearful that my indiscretions would come back to haunt me the following week in the form of a massive weight gain.
I feel confident that, with continued efforts like this week, I'll see that hard work reflected on the scale next week. A year ago I would have been happy that I'd only gained 0.8 pounds.
And so, I call this a success. I'm like Bill Murray in "What About Bob?" Baby steps. Baby steps to the Gap...
Honestly, I could go all melodramatic and cry about how hard I worked, and it should have been more...but I'm so not that girl. I also can't lie to you - you probably saw my post that I ate half a small cheesecake in a 24-hour period last weekend. I'm also still coming off of a week of holiday consumption where I was, shall we say, less than careful about tracking my food.
I'm pleased with the result - after my NYE Red Lobster feast (and the pursuant Great Cheesecake Binge), I really did buckle down. I feel like my results reflect my actions, and you can't ask for much more than that. I've had weeks in the past where I have lost several pounds, knowing that I had been less than angelic with my eating and exercise habits. I always felt a little bit guilty afterwards, feeling like I cheated the system, and somewhat fearful that my indiscretions would come back to haunt me the following week in the form of a massive weight gain.
I feel confident that, with continued efforts like this week, I'll see that hard work reflected on the scale next week. A year ago I would have been happy that I'd only gained 0.8 pounds.
And so, I call this a success. I'm like Bill Murray in "What About Bob?" Baby steps. Baby steps to the Gap...
Thursday, January 6, 2011
On the Right Track
Today marks the fourth day in a row that I've tracked all of my food and stayed within my daily point target! Hurrah!
For those of you not familiar with the Weight Watchers plan, each food is given a point value based on fat, carbs, protein and fiber. Each person gets a daily point target to stay within and still lose weight. You can eat whatever you want, just stay within that target. The point values and the materials steer you toward eating more filling foods - fruits, veggies, whole grains, protein - and it doesn't take long to learn that if you use up your points on crap, you're either going to finish off the day ravenous and stabby, or you're going to end up going on a midnight fridge run and eating everything inside, including the mystery hunk of cheese in the back of the drawer (right after you cut off the moldy or filmy bits), thus derailing your weight loss efforts.
For me, there are definitely days when you sort of "wing it" - you keep a rough tally of what you're eating, but don't write things down, then you sort of "guesstimate" that the piece of cake is still within your target, because surely the grilled cheese sandwich you ordered at lunch was made with whole grain bread, low-fat cheese and light butter. Right? Some weeks this works, but most of the time you see less than ideal results.
Well, I made a commitment that this week I would start off the year with good habits. I've written down everything. I've stayed within my target. Today I enjoyed a bountiful selection of fruits and veggies to accompany my small portion of whole grain pasta and sauce. Yesterday I got a little hungry in the afternoon, and upon searching my desk drawer, found a hunk of chocolate that I devoured, but I calculated the points, added them in, and adjusted the rest of my day.
I didn't have the opportunity to weigh in yesterday (my normal meeting day), but I am going to crash a make up meeting tonight and check out the scale. We'll see what happens - at least I don't feel like I need to try to hang my heels off the back of the scale in an effort to nudge the numbers down a bit...
For those of you not familiar with the Weight Watchers plan, each food is given a point value based on fat, carbs, protein and fiber. Each person gets a daily point target to stay within and still lose weight. You can eat whatever you want, just stay within that target. The point values and the materials steer you toward eating more filling foods - fruits, veggies, whole grains, protein - and it doesn't take long to learn that if you use up your points on crap, you're either going to finish off the day ravenous and stabby, or you're going to end up going on a midnight fridge run and eating everything inside, including the mystery hunk of cheese in the back of the drawer (right after you cut off the moldy or filmy bits), thus derailing your weight loss efforts.
For me, there are definitely days when you sort of "wing it" - you keep a rough tally of what you're eating, but don't write things down, then you sort of "guesstimate" that the piece of cake is still within your target, because surely the grilled cheese sandwich you ordered at lunch was made with whole grain bread, low-fat cheese and light butter. Right? Some weeks this works, but most of the time you see less than ideal results.
Well, I made a commitment that this week I would start off the year with good habits. I've written down everything. I've stayed within my target. Today I enjoyed a bountiful selection of fruits and veggies to accompany my small portion of whole grain pasta and sauce. Yesterday I got a little hungry in the afternoon, and upon searching my desk drawer, found a hunk of chocolate that I devoured, but I calculated the points, added them in, and adjusted the rest of my day.
I didn't have the opportunity to weigh in yesterday (my normal meeting day), but I am going to crash a make up meeting tonight and check out the scale. We'll see what happens - at least I don't feel like I need to try to hang my heels off the back of the scale in an effort to nudge the numbers down a bit...
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
On Biggest Loser...
A new season of "Biggest Loser" is underway. I confess, I have yet to watch the first episode, but it's ready and waiting on my DVR. I am a little bit of a reality TV junkie. "The Jersey Shore", "Cake Boss", "Hoarders", "Ruby", "Real Housewives", "Toddlers & Tiaras"...I'm especially a fan if watching the show makes my life look like less of a trainwreck (see: most of the aforementioned programs).
"Biggest Loser" does a little of that for me, but it also makes you feel so darn emotional. I can't watch it in front of my husband anymore, as he mocks me mercilessly when I cry as the 400 pound guy gets up on the scale for the first time to find that he's lost 5% of his body weight in one week. It slays me! It's motivational, too. Especially now that, in terms of comparable body mass, I can relate to some of the contestants, it's easy to imagine what I would like in spandex bike shorts and sports bra, bat wings a-flapping off my arms, and every single culinary indescretion I've ever had screaming from my ass, hips and thighs. Ugh. Terrifying. If that doesn't make you want to put down the cupcake, I don't know what will.
Several years ago, I had a friend who was also obese. I always thought of her as much larger than me because of the different ways we carried our weight. The reality was I only weighed about 30 pounds less than her, and it seems like once you pass 270, 30 pounds is just a drop in the bucket. While it's true I look fat, I don't think I look as fat as 324 pounds should. I carry most of my weight in my legs, so I still have a little bit of a defined waist, and my face looks relatively thin. I'm also a little bit muscular (although I think the fat to muscle ratio is swiftly changing). All of this was detrimental as I gained weight - I think I would have snapped to attention faster if I started developing an enormous gut or triple chins. I was able to lie to myself about how I looked as long as the mirror (or the camera) didn't travel too far south. But I digress.
This friend invited me to participate with her in an open casting call for the "Biggest Loser" taking place in our city. My first reaction was, "I'm not fat enough to be on that show!". Then I started to think about it. Oh yes. I was. In fact, I weighed MORE than many of the female contestants. So I agreed. My pride was hurt, but I wasn't about to pass up a chance for $250k and some of the best trainers in the world. I began to gather all of the information that was required and set to work on writing up a witty application sure to impress the casting agents.
The hardest thing to do was to put together pictures. They wanted to see some photographic evidence of your weight history. I started with the recent pictures, snapshots I would never post on Facebook or share with friends because of how unflattering they were. Then I started to go back, and it was painful to see how much I had changed. How I had let myself go from the happy, healthy teenager in the pictures to the dumpy, tired twentysomething I was then. If I had been able to make a flipbook of the photos, you would have seen the body expand, the shoulders begin to drop a bit, the smile fade, the skin go from glowing to sallow with dark undereye circles, the hair begin to go limp and lackluster. I wasn't just overweight, I was unhealthy.
Even so, I was still somewhat in denial about being fat. As we sat down in the audition room, the friendly, charismatic (and naturally thin/gorgeous) casting folks from California began to engage us in a little conversation. It was pretty low-stress, as they were easy to talk to. I continued to think, as the questions came out, that I wouldn't have much to share. But I recall one question about dating - he asked if we were ever sought out by "chubby chasers" at the bar, or if we got hit on because guys thought overweight girls would be easy to score with. Good lord, I had never even considered such a thing. The idea that strangers might look at me and think of me as "the fat friend", well that was just too much. That really stuck with me.
After the auditions, I withdrew just a little bit. I've always been a fairly social person, lots of friends, and have enjoyed going out on the town. Something about that conversation during the audition caused me to start turning down invitations, coming up with excuses to stay home. I became extremely self-conscious about my appearance and prefered to bundle up in sweatshirts and jeans and watch movies at home by myself. I didn't want anyone to think "that fat girl" was trying to put herself out there, or to be the butt of any jokes from that group of ex-frat guys at the bar.
Anyway, we never did hear back from the "Biggest Loser" - and in the end I'm pretty grateful that we were never on the show. I can't imagine having all of America see me at my worst. I probably would have been that girl that ends up flying off the treadmill in the first workout with Jillian, and skinny bitches everywhere would laugh as they watched me from their living rooms, nibbling on fat-free yogurt.
"Biggest Loser" does a little of that for me, but it also makes you feel so darn emotional. I can't watch it in front of my husband anymore, as he mocks me mercilessly when I cry as the 400 pound guy gets up on the scale for the first time to find that he's lost 5% of his body weight in one week. It slays me! It's motivational, too. Especially now that, in terms of comparable body mass, I can relate to some of the contestants, it's easy to imagine what I would like in spandex bike shorts and sports bra, bat wings a-flapping off my arms, and every single culinary indescretion I've ever had screaming from my ass, hips and thighs. Ugh. Terrifying. If that doesn't make you want to put down the cupcake, I don't know what will.
Several years ago, I had a friend who was also obese. I always thought of her as much larger than me because of the different ways we carried our weight. The reality was I only weighed about 30 pounds less than her, and it seems like once you pass 270, 30 pounds is just a drop in the bucket. While it's true I look fat, I don't think I look as fat as 324 pounds should. I carry most of my weight in my legs, so I still have a little bit of a defined waist, and my face looks relatively thin. I'm also a little bit muscular (although I think the fat to muscle ratio is swiftly changing). All of this was detrimental as I gained weight - I think I would have snapped to attention faster if I started developing an enormous gut or triple chins. I was able to lie to myself about how I looked as long as the mirror (or the camera) didn't travel too far south. But I digress.
This friend invited me to participate with her in an open casting call for the "Biggest Loser" taking place in our city. My first reaction was, "I'm not fat enough to be on that show!". Then I started to think about it. Oh yes. I was. In fact, I weighed MORE than many of the female contestants. So I agreed. My pride was hurt, but I wasn't about to pass up a chance for $250k and some of the best trainers in the world. I began to gather all of the information that was required and set to work on writing up a witty application sure to impress the casting agents.
The hardest thing to do was to put together pictures. They wanted to see some photographic evidence of your weight history. I started with the recent pictures, snapshots I would never post on Facebook or share with friends because of how unflattering they were. Then I started to go back, and it was painful to see how much I had changed. How I had let myself go from the happy, healthy teenager in the pictures to the dumpy, tired twentysomething I was then. If I had been able to make a flipbook of the photos, you would have seen the body expand, the shoulders begin to drop a bit, the smile fade, the skin go from glowing to sallow with dark undereye circles, the hair begin to go limp and lackluster. I wasn't just overweight, I was unhealthy.
Even so, I was still somewhat in denial about being fat. As we sat down in the audition room, the friendly, charismatic (and naturally thin/gorgeous) casting folks from California began to engage us in a little conversation. It was pretty low-stress, as they were easy to talk to. I continued to think, as the questions came out, that I wouldn't have much to share. But I recall one question about dating - he asked if we were ever sought out by "chubby chasers" at the bar, or if we got hit on because guys thought overweight girls would be easy to score with. Good lord, I had never even considered such a thing. The idea that strangers might look at me and think of me as "the fat friend", well that was just too much. That really stuck with me.
After the auditions, I withdrew just a little bit. I've always been a fairly social person, lots of friends, and have enjoyed going out on the town. Something about that conversation during the audition caused me to start turning down invitations, coming up with excuses to stay home. I became extremely self-conscious about my appearance and prefered to bundle up in sweatshirts and jeans and watch movies at home by myself. I didn't want anyone to think "that fat girl" was trying to put herself out there, or to be the butt of any jokes from that group of ex-frat guys at the bar.
Anyway, we never did hear back from the "Biggest Loser" - and in the end I'm pretty grateful that we were never on the show. I can't imagine having all of America see me at my worst. I probably would have been that girl that ends up flying off the treadmill in the first workout with Jillian, and skinny bitches everywhere would laugh as they watched me from their living rooms, nibbling on fat-free yogurt.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
The Games We Play
I haven't exactly figured out what causes me to go on mad eating binges. Sometimes I think it's stress. Sometimes I think it's hormonal. Sometimes I think there may be a hole in my stomach that causes me to be in a constant state of hunger, but considering that everything I eat is processed and turned into fat deposits on my ass, thighs and stomach, all signs point to no.
Regardless of why, I've done some sneaky things to hide what I eat from others. The first time I remember being ashamed of how much I was eating was in high school. I had a boyfriend over, and we had ordered pizza. I, being the delicate teenage flower that I was, only took one slice, and after eating it, proceeded to exclaim how very full I was. It didn't take long before I snuck out to the kitchen to grab a drink. My mother walked in to find me hunkered down over the kitchen sink, powering my way through two additional pieces of pizza.
As a young single woman, I started to pack on the pounds as I ate my way through a period of time when my work/life balance was very heavy on the work. I would frequently order take-out, and order what was plainly enough for two people (or the entire Duggar family). A large pizza, Chinese food complete with six crab rangoon and soup, a big, sloppy Italian sandwich with cheesecake for dessert. Often I would order these feasts with two drinks. If it were a particularly big order, when they knocked on the door to my apartment, I would yell something like, "Hey, the food is here!", to my imaginary roommate/boyfriend/husband so that they delivery person would be sure to hear that I wasn't eating alone.
Most recently, I went on a fast food rampage. I would leave for lunch, stop at Taco Bell and get an order of the supreme nachos. Then I would proceed to Arby's and order the jalapeno poppers, a fried chicken sandwich and a drink. I'd sit in a vacant parking lot and eat. I did this almost every day for several weeks. I kept my own debit card and checking account separate from the joint account I had with my husband so that he wouldn't see how often I was eating out for lunch, and how much I was spending.
I also recall shopping at Target earlier this year. I had purchased a packet of giant cookies from the bakery, with creamy frosting sandwiched in between them. I fully intended to eat them all in the car on the way home, and to stash the package in my glove box or down the side of the trash can in the garage. I had the routine down, as this wasn't my first date with these particular cookies. I placed them on the conveyor belt at the register, alongside my organic bagged lettuce, fresh produce and frozen diet meals. I neatly tucked a diet Coke behind them as the old Sesame Street song ran through my head, "One of these things is not like the other things...". The cashier picked up the cookies to scan them, and exclaimed, "Oh, these cookies are SO good! Yum!" I feigned a look of pleasant surprise. "Oh really? That's good to know. I'm sure my husband will enjoy them". I thanked her, collected my bags, and sauntered off to the parking lot where I would stuff my face in private, secure in my belief that the Target cashier did not think I was a fat, binge-eating pig.
Regardless of why, I've done some sneaky things to hide what I eat from others. The first time I remember being ashamed of how much I was eating was in high school. I had a boyfriend over, and we had ordered pizza. I, being the delicate teenage flower that I was, only took one slice, and after eating it, proceeded to exclaim how very full I was. It didn't take long before I snuck out to the kitchen to grab a drink. My mother walked in to find me hunkered down over the kitchen sink, powering my way through two additional pieces of pizza.
As a young single woman, I started to pack on the pounds as I ate my way through a period of time when my work/life balance was very heavy on the work. I would frequently order take-out, and order what was plainly enough for two people (or the entire Duggar family). A large pizza, Chinese food complete with six crab rangoon and soup, a big, sloppy Italian sandwich with cheesecake for dessert. Often I would order these feasts with two drinks. If it were a particularly big order, when they knocked on the door to my apartment, I would yell something like, "Hey, the food is here!", to my imaginary roommate/boyfriend/husband so that they delivery person would be sure to hear that I wasn't eating alone.
Most recently, I went on a fast food rampage. I would leave for lunch, stop at Taco Bell and get an order of the supreme nachos. Then I would proceed to Arby's and order the jalapeno poppers, a fried chicken sandwich and a drink. I'd sit in a vacant parking lot and eat. I did this almost every day for several weeks. I kept my own debit card and checking account separate from the joint account I had with my husband so that he wouldn't see how often I was eating out for lunch, and how much I was spending.
I also recall shopping at Target earlier this year. I had purchased a packet of giant cookies from the bakery, with creamy frosting sandwiched in between them. I fully intended to eat them all in the car on the way home, and to stash the package in my glove box or down the side of the trash can in the garage. I had the routine down, as this wasn't my first date with these particular cookies. I placed them on the conveyor belt at the register, alongside my organic bagged lettuce, fresh produce and frozen diet meals. I neatly tucked a diet Coke behind them as the old Sesame Street song ran through my head, "One of these things is not like the other things...". The cashier picked up the cookies to scan them, and exclaimed, "Oh, these cookies are SO good! Yum!" I feigned a look of pleasant surprise. "Oh really? That's good to know. I'm sure my husband will enjoy them". I thanked her, collected my bags, and sauntered off to the parking lot where I would stuff my face in private, secure in my belief that the Target cashier did not think I was a fat, binge-eating pig.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Italian Veggie Soup
I made such a tasty soup yesterday! It's modified from a Weight Watchers recipe. Get your crockpot out and raid your spice rack. You'll smell like an Italian grandmother after making this, and the men in your life will love you for it!
4 cups low-sodium fat-free vegetable or chicken broth (I used chicken, I like the flavor)
28 oz. diced tomatoes - I used no salt added cans
2 medium carrots, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
1 clove garlic (I actually added a few extra, I LOVE garlic!)
2 bay leaves
1 Tbsp dried basil
1 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
2 oz. fresh baby spinach (snip off stems on leaves)
1 bag Trader Joe's cheese tortellini (you can use any pasta here, the TJ's bag is about 280 g)
Add all the ingredients to your slow cooker except the pasta and the spinach. Stir, and cook on high heat for 4-5 hours. About 20 minutes before you're ready to eat, add the pasta and the spinach. Stir and let simmer until the pasta is just soft (I like mine a little al dente).
This should make 8 servings, one cup each, but you'll probably want seconds. Each 1 cup serving is only 3 Weight Watchers points! I wish I had a picture - it's really lovely with all the colorful veggies and the tri-color pasta.
4 cups low-sodium fat-free vegetable or chicken broth (I used chicken, I like the flavor)
28 oz. diced tomatoes - I used no salt added cans
2 medium carrots, chopped
1 large onion, chopped
2 stalks celery, chopped
1 clove garlic (I actually added a few extra, I LOVE garlic!)
2 bay leaves
1 Tbsp dried basil
1 tsp dried oregano
1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
2 oz. fresh baby spinach (snip off stems on leaves)
1 bag Trader Joe's cheese tortellini (you can use any pasta here, the TJ's bag is about 280 g)
Add all the ingredients to your slow cooker except the pasta and the spinach. Stir, and cook on high heat for 4-5 hours. About 20 minutes before you're ready to eat, add the pasta and the spinach. Stir and let simmer until the pasta is just soft (I like mine a little al dente).
This should make 8 servings, one cup each, but you'll probably want seconds. Each 1 cup serving is only 3 Weight Watchers points! I wish I had a picture - it's really lovely with all the colorful veggies and the tri-color pasta.
Confessions
Yesterday started off great with my healthy breakfast. Lunch was pretty good too. I even made a killer veggie soup for dinner in the crockpot.
Things sort of fell apart when my husband suggested cheesecake for dessert. I had purchased a mini white chocolate raspberry swirl cheesecake for NYE - we had originally planned to get together with friends, but when plans changed, I popped it in the freezer for a later date. It's hard enough to keep your willpower up on your own, but when someone actually suggests eating something decadent, it's damn near impossible. Thankfully it was a small cheesecake. It was delicious - and I may or may not have eaten the last piece for breakfast this morning. I'll just have to remind myself of how delicious it was later in the week when I start salivating over some other dessert.
I also need to remind my husband that it's counterproductive to talk about losing weight, and then to suggest eating half a small cheesecake in a 24-hour period. I'm still slowly acclimating to not eating whatever I please, it's going to take me a minute to be able to say, "No, thanks, I'll have the celery sticks," or, "Gosh, let me just have a tiny bite of that chocolate mousse dream pie and I'll be just as full as can be". But I'm working on it.
Things sort of fell apart when my husband suggested cheesecake for dessert. I had purchased a mini white chocolate raspberry swirl cheesecake for NYE - we had originally planned to get together with friends, but when plans changed, I popped it in the freezer for a later date. It's hard enough to keep your willpower up on your own, but when someone actually suggests eating something decadent, it's damn near impossible. Thankfully it was a small cheesecake. It was delicious - and I may or may not have eaten the last piece for breakfast this morning. I'll just have to remind myself of how delicious it was later in the week when I start salivating over some other dessert.
I also need to remind my husband that it's counterproductive to talk about losing weight, and then to suggest eating half a small cheesecake in a 24-hour period. I'm still slowly acclimating to not eating whatever I please, it's going to take me a minute to be able to say, "No, thanks, I'll have the celery sticks," or, "Gosh, let me just have a tiny bite of that chocolate mousse dream pie and I'll be just as full as can be". But I'm working on it.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Berry Vanilla Yogurt Oatmeal
If there's one thing I know, what I eat for breakfast tends to set the tone for the entire day. Drinking a sugary latte and dashing out the door just leads to vending machine meltdown later in the day when I crash. To start my day off right today, I looked for something tasty with plenty of fiber and protein, but low in sugar. Here's what I came up with:
1 packet of plain instant oatmeal with flax seed
1 pot of Trader Joe's Organic Vanilla Greek Yogurt (it has delicious flecks of vanilla bean in it!)
1/2 cup of mixed frozen berries (cherries, blackberries, raspberries and blueberries)
I prepared the instant oatmeal in the microwave per package directions, then added the frozen berries. I added one more minute to the microwave to thaw the berries. Then I mixed in the tub of yogurt and mixed it together. I scooped it into a pretty purple glass, because after all, presentation is everything.
This wasn't a bad breakfast - 6 points, and I felt full right up until lunch. If I did this again, it's missing a little crunch - maybe some granola? Almonds? I also think it could have been better with just half the pot of yogurt, thus lowering the points (but also the protein).
1 packet of plain instant oatmeal with flax seed
1 pot of Trader Joe's Organic Vanilla Greek Yogurt (it has delicious flecks of vanilla bean in it!)
1/2 cup of mixed frozen berries (cherries, blackberries, raspberries and blueberries)
I prepared the instant oatmeal in the microwave per package directions, then added the frozen berries. I added one more minute to the microwave to thaw the berries. Then I mixed in the tub of yogurt and mixed it together. I scooped it into a pretty purple glass, because after all, presentation is everything.
This wasn't a bad breakfast - 6 points, and I felt full right up until lunch. If I did this again, it's missing a little crunch - maybe some granola? Almonds? I also think it could have been better with just half the pot of yogurt, thus lowering the points (but also the protein).
Happy New Year
Even if you're not a "resolution" type of person, there's something about the turning of a new year that causes one to indulge in a little self reflection. 2011 really does feel like a fresh start in terms of forgiving my food and fitness sins of the past and moving forward.
I admit, I used the holidays as a bit of an excuse. I started Weight Watchers the week before Thanksgiving, and was less than religious about tracking my points as the holiday goodies rolled in. I did hold steady - I didn't gain any weight between November 26 and January 1. That said, it does seem like a waste of time. I could have been down 5 or 10 pounds by now if I'd really buckled down. Oh well, no day but today. Onward and upward. Hindsight is 20/20. Live and learn. Any other trite phrases I'm forgetting?
I'd like to take a moment to pay homage to the delights of December. Creme brulee, smoked salmon and shmear, chocolate bon bons, bacon (mmmm, bacon), champagne cake with buttercream frosting, homemade sugar cookies, roast turkey, honey glazed ham, peppermint Oreos, Pumpkin Spice Hershey's Kisses, fresh ciabatta rolls, mulled red wine...oh, I could go on and on. Sweet baby Jesus, looking at that list, it's a Christmas miracle I didn't gain weight!
Last night was kind of a final indulgence. My husband and I wound up spending a quiet NYE, just the two of us, and I talked him into going to Red Lobster. I don't care what anyone says, I love Red Lobster. But I do live in a no-coast state, so it's not exactly like there are many other seafood options. I ordered myself 1 1/2 pounds of snow crab legs, a side of mashed potatoes and a side salad. I had Red Lobster's finest glass of chardonnay with my meal. Overall, not the worst thing I could have eaten, but probably more than a 20 (Weight Watchers) point meal.
Today I woke up tempted to break into the leftover cookies or cake, but reminded myself that I don't want to be a fat girl anymore. Instead, I made a tasty concoction which I'll create a second post for!
I hope you had a wonderful NYE and that 2011 is off to a great start for you and yours.
I admit, I used the holidays as a bit of an excuse. I started Weight Watchers the week before Thanksgiving, and was less than religious about tracking my points as the holiday goodies rolled in. I did hold steady - I didn't gain any weight between November 26 and January 1. That said, it does seem like a waste of time. I could have been down 5 or 10 pounds by now if I'd really buckled down. Oh well, no day but today. Onward and upward. Hindsight is 20/20. Live and learn. Any other trite phrases I'm forgetting?
I'd like to take a moment to pay homage to the delights of December. Creme brulee, smoked salmon and shmear, chocolate bon bons, bacon (mmmm, bacon), champagne cake with buttercream frosting, homemade sugar cookies, roast turkey, honey glazed ham, peppermint Oreos, Pumpkin Spice Hershey's Kisses, fresh ciabatta rolls, mulled red wine...oh, I could go on and on. Sweet baby Jesus, looking at that list, it's a Christmas miracle I didn't gain weight!
Last night was kind of a final indulgence. My husband and I wound up spending a quiet NYE, just the two of us, and I talked him into going to Red Lobster. I don't care what anyone says, I love Red Lobster. But I do live in a no-coast state, so it's not exactly like there are many other seafood options. I ordered myself 1 1/2 pounds of snow crab legs, a side of mashed potatoes and a side salad. I had Red Lobster's finest glass of chardonnay with my meal. Overall, not the worst thing I could have eaten, but probably more than a 20 (Weight Watchers) point meal.
Today I woke up tempted to break into the leftover cookies or cake, but reminded myself that I don't want to be a fat girl anymore. Instead, I made a tasty concoction which I'll create a second post for!
I hope you had a wonderful NYE and that 2011 is off to a great start for you and yours.
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